Tuesday, June 19, 2012

fuck yeah.

For a little over a year now, i've been going off and on to Hot Yoga at one of the studios here.  I don't get to go as often as i'd like, but i always feel awesome afterwards.

For those of you who don't know, it's a series of poses done in a 40C degree studio (that's 104F) with high humidity so you can get deeper poses and you sweat like a mofo.

In the times that i've gone, when i get too hot, or work too hard, or start to feel woozy, i would take a breather and lay down on my mat in Savasana and just recover. 

Now, i'm no teeny tiny little yoga girl.  I've had two kids, and one with special needs, and unfortunately - i eat when i'm stressed.  Just painting a picture.

a few weeks ago i went to a class after a long hiatus, and i really felt the body image issues - it's tough being the only chubby girl in a room full of graceful beautiful yoga bodies. 

Today, though, before heading into the yoga studio, on a sign i had probably seen over and over each class - one line popped out at me.


"Yoga is not a competitive sport, it's a process of self acceptance"

huh.

So, i walked into the studio and put my mat down on the floor, thinking about that.  Running it over and over in my head.  thinking about the words; it's a process of self acceptance.

Okay. 

And class began.

And i rocked.

Not that i got each pose right, and not that i was super flexible, but my perception of the class changed.   My perception of yoga had changed. 

My class was fuller than any class i'd been to tonight, and i happened to be standing next this stunning blond who could bend into a pretzle.  My initial thought was we look like the number 10.  (she's the 1)... then i caught myself....

"No. THIS is what my body looks like RIGHT NOW, and i'm just going to do the pose the BEST that i can, in this body, right now."

it was the best yoga class of my life.

and i made it through the class, doing each pose - not sitting out one posture, but powering through.  in fact, there was one time when i was on the floor and i thought "Uhnnn, i'll sit this next one out" and the instructor said to the class: "Okay, you can do this!" and i thought: "Yeah! I CAN do this.... i'm not that tired, i'm just lazy" so i carried on.

I'm not saying that every class that i take from here on in is going to be amazing, but if i can just remember and keep in my mind that it's NOT a competition, and so what if i'm rounder than everyone else here - i'm HERE! i SHOWED UP, and i can do this.

6 comments:

Suzi Q said...

You can do it! All. Night. Long!

Teeni said...

Perfect sign. I think that applies to so many situations. Gonna write that one down in my book of great quotes. :) And you DO rock. Every day, whatever you do.

Slyde said...

I have the same attitude at my annual "Clam Bake and Gang Bang" party.

I know i can't please EVERY one of the ladies, but i just accept that and do the best i can.

stART said...

You so totally rock, sweetie - keep on keeping on! (((hugs))) (and a couple of happy skips, just for good measure and 'cause I like skipping!) *G*

Christina

tanglewithlinda.wordpress.com said...

What a wonderful story. I just love your challenges, and I've prayed a few times for your family and your children. I can tell you have special challenges sometimes, and you stay so positive, and you're always upbeat. I'm glad you take the time to take care of yourself when you can fit it in. And I love the sign that you mentioned. I too need to remember that. Hugs;Linda

Diva In Training said...

Good for you honey!! I hate being the only non thin one in a group too and I am just glad that you finally were able to accept your body and do the best that you could!!!

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