Seven Year Itch

i've stood over a train grate, and that hot air smells like ass.

So, last week B-rad and i celebrated our seven year anniversary...  Artoo had just come home that day from a 5 day stay in the hospital, so needless to say... i was pretty tired.

How did we spend our time together? well, we put the kids to bed... then... i slipped into something a little more...comfortable.... like yoga pants and a bunny hug (or hoodie, if you rather).... and we played a game of scrabble.  and i won.

Then i was tired.

So we went to bed.

Perhaps that's not the best way to stave off the seven year itch... i probably should have had some kind of silky underthings under my yoga pants, and we probably should have rocked each others' worlds in the sack....  probably....

Honestly, where did the time go?  I never really think about time, it's so abstract... until i think things like - Chewie is three... and we've lived in this house for almost 5 years...

i saw a pin on pinterest that said: "I still think that 1991 was ten years ago"  yeah... totally!  that's me.

So, the seven year itch... this is the psychological phenomenon wherein the fire goes out in the marriage and boredom sets in.  Does the seven year itch only take into account the years of actual married life? Because B-rad and i have been together for 13 years, give or take.  So, by those standards, our seven year itch would have been during our first year of marriage.  WIN!

I've been told that B-rad and i have a great relationship.  It's true though.  I mean, our marriage is by no stretch of the imagination, perfect.  but pretty damn near.

I'm not one to give advice very often... but here's a totally arbitrary list of things that have made our marriage awesome:

1.) if at all possible, try to do a long distance relationship before getting married.  B-rad and i did this for 2 years.  As much as it sucked, it was probably one of the best things for our relationship.  By only communicating by phone and email (this was the dark ages before Facebook, or Skype, or FaceTime for iPhones...) we really had to actually talk.  It was all we could do.  That, and the phone sex.  Lots and lots of phone sex.  (Man, where was the FaceTime for iPhone then!!??)  We really got to know each other in those two years, and it also helped us build our communications skills.

2.) Marry your best friend.  Yeah.  Cliche, i know, but cliche for a reason.  Granted, B-rad was not my best friend when started dating, but by the time i knew we were supposed to be together forever he was.  And still is.

3.) Inside Jokes.  Honestly, inside jokes are one of the corner stones of our relationship.  Sometimes it feels like we are speaking in some crazy elaborate code, because at any given time - one of us will say or do something that will trigger the other to response... be it movie lines, song lyrics, or just something that one of us did one day that the other one of us ran with, and now it's something we do all the time....  That "secret code" of inside jokes is very intimate.  It's like, a reminder in the middle of the day that B-rad gets me and i get him.

4.) Share your fantasies.  Everyone has 'em.  I mean, even the ones that you think that make you a creepster.  If you are in a loving and trusting relationship, then share.  It has made our sex life phenomenal, and also - it's kind of nice to know that he trusts you enough to share EVERYTHING that makes him tick... y'know, more than just a blow job... allllll of it.... and it's nice for me to be able to share what gets my rocks off.  Cuz, i mean, i'm a creative girl... sometimes my fantasies are a little...creative.  and he's okay with that.  and he gets into that.  and WE get into that.

5.) Let the guy watch porn.  honestly. lift the taboo. they're going to do it anyway, why make them feel guilty for it?  I realize that this can be a very touchy subject... but if you can find a way to get past the porn (if it's an issue for you) you should really try.  Why not see if you can find something to watch together? or buy an issue of Penthouse letters when you have a long car ride ahead of you (hopefully without kids in the back seat) and surprise him by reading to him while he drives.  Or write him your own penthouse letter, and completely lay out your fantasies... i guarantee it will be a well read letter, and it will go into his spank bank... because maybe he IS watching porn, but he's likely imagining its YOU he's watching. 

6.) Sometimes, dudes go 'solo'....if you know what i mean.  Before you moved in together, he probably did it all the time, every night... so cut the guy some slack.  In my humble opinion, unless i'm willing to give it up every night, i'm willing to let him blow off some steam on his own.  This, of course, is also true for me... y'know, sometimes i wanna just rub one out quickly... ;)

7.) Laugh.  Often.

8.) Share your interests - get interested in what he's interested in, and he should get interested in what you're interested in.  I'm not saying you should learn how to rebuild cars or anything, but at least pay attention when he's talking about it.  Likewise, he doesn't have to learn all the words to "The Music of the Night" but he should come with you to see the show when it's in town.

9.) Hold on to your self.  The YOU that he fell in love with.  Your role as a wife, partner, mother, caregiver, hommaker, breadwinner, etc., are all aspects of you but the core YOU is still in there.  Make sure that you find time to stay yourself.  Do things for yourself.  That YOU like to do.  On your own.  Likewise, let him keep the HIM that you fell in love with.

10.) Whenever possible - remember to make out.  Like you did before you were sleeping together.  B-rad and i, as you may imagine, don't have a lot of the 'free time' that we used to have... but we try to get in a good make out session every once in a while... like, remember when you were in high school dating.... and you're watching TV with your boyfriend and your little brother runs upstairs to get a drink and you know you have, like, at least 2 minutes of smooch time before he comes back and starts talking about The Legend of Zelda?? that.  It's hot.  and it's awesome.  and sometimes, we only have 2 minutes.  But they are a SOLID two minutes.

So, there you have it.  10 Golden rules that have helped B-rad and i make it passed the 7 year mark.