Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Post it baby

i was stalking reading over at Whoa Mumma and saw her post written in Sticky Notes, which it seems is a meme found over at Adventures of a WannaBe Supah Mamma wherein - you guessed it - you write a post in post it notes. (directions are here)

So, seeing that it's Tuesday, and the Holidays, and whatnot - here we go.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Well, we heard the Neighbour's one was 42"...so....*

Back on September 7th i posted an update on facebook that read:

Laura TheDiva may be shopping for a new tv... the old one is finally dying.... :(

For years i have been telling the B-rad that there was no point in getting a new TV because: "the one we have now works JUST FINE!" of course, the one we had weighed about the same amount as a small hippo and was about as clunky and bulky as Oliver Hardy and by today's standards just as archaic (read: not a flat screen)

And so, faced with my oh-so-clever comeback of "the old one is fine", B-rad was forced to agree that there was, in fact, nothing wrong with our TV. And so, we had a KICKASS sound system, with our Old Oliver Hardy 32" Not Flat Screen Television Set. All was well with the world.


i started noticing in the summer that there was a wonky spot on the right side of the screen where the colour was different. I mentioned it, but it seemed that it only ever happened when you were watching porn certain shows, so we carried on as we were. After all, B-rad bought it brand new, back when 32" was kind of a big deal...i mean, it was still good!

Then, one day - after nine years of faithful service, 2 moves across province, and five different living rooms - the old clunker gave up the ghost and died. Like, it completely died. Other than that weird colour spot on the right side, we had no indication that the 'beast' was on its way out. One day, without notice, it wouldn't even turn on...

It was a sad, sad day at Casa Diva. Let me tell you.

And so, we said our farewells to Oliver Hardy and began the long arduous process of auditioning potential up and coming stars....(and by saying farewell, i mean storing on the floor at the back of the rumpus room next to the treadmill - MILLIE! - waiting to be taken to the electronics recycling depot since September).

For those of you who don't know my husband, he is a 'researcher' and a firm believer that 'you might as well spend the extra money and get something good' which are traits that i simultaneously adore about him, and also make me looney in the crazy house. but i digress. On top of being one who likes to know exactly what he's spending his money on, he's also an audiophile and a pothead movie buff who likes to have a movie watching/listening *experience*.

It took the man over two years of researching, ordering online and wheeling and dealing, setting up and canoodling of receivers, turntables, towers, surround speakers, centre channels and the like (including the designing and creating of a custom made component rack ) to create the perfect Sweet Spot for our watching/listening pleasure. It must have been killing him to have this sweet sound system and our old 32" dinosaur.

When the TV died, i could almost hear his hear start pounding with excitement.

And then the saga of the New TV began.

And B-rad began the research. All Smiles.

Luckily for me, we had recently upgraded our bedroom tv from a 19" Mini Oliver Hardy to a 26" flatscreen for watching porn tv in bed, so in the interim we had something to keep me sane happy while B-rad was in his Audio/Electronic Purchasing glory. What he decided on was a Panasonic 46" Plasma G Series (which is a step up from the S series and has THX certification and better picture [as dictated by the B-rad cuz i have no idea what any of that means]) and he went to the store where he "knew a guy", the same guy that got him a deal on the turntable, so there was some loyalty there.


With the old TV gone, and a newer BETTER TV (somewhere) on the horizon, we realized we needed to reevaluate our TV stand. Back in the old days of the new millennium, B-rad had constructed a TV stand for the new 32" out of sheet metal and black spray paint. It was nice! (One would say he's a handy guy) but it was designed specifically for the Oliver Hardy. It had to go. So, we donated it to the charity of Laura's Little Brother and set about the search for a new TV stand, because there was no point getting a new TV until we had something to put it on.

We found a killer TV stand that we both liked, complete with electronic fireplace (beauty).
What followed were 5 weeks of "sold out", "rain checks", "out-of-stock", "we'll call you", "someone said they'd call us and they never did", "should be in next week", "Can i talk to a manager", "We'll give it to you for cost but we're sold out right now", giving up and looking around at other places, being fed up, not finding anything close to what we wanted for the amount we wanted to pay, going back to the original place, "can i talk to a manager", "yeah it's ordered, it should be in soon", "We've been waiting for over 5 weeks, this is ridiculous", "We have five in stock but the storeroom is locked and we can't get into it", "it's sold out", "should be here next week", "we have one", "put our name on it, we'll come and get it TODAY".

but it didn't stop there, because once it was put together we realized that it was missing the screws for the doors...like OH EM GEE, Seriously? yeah. anyway, we worked it out and it works fine, and the fireplace is awesome...

With the fireplace in place (snigger) i set out the decree to my husband to "Go, ye forth, and purchase the CHOSEN ONE!"

So B-rad set off to buy the TV after work, and i was all excited to finally have a real TV again... and he came home with the news: "They don't have any in stock."

Well. what the fuck?

Apparently the "guy he knows" was going to give us a call when one came in stock.

So, i resigned to my little wee TV and we busied ourselves with Operation Sexy New Bedroom (but that's a post for another day - oh the suspense!).

As time went on, we never quite forgot about the promise of a new TV, and with the Festivus season came the Festivus FLYERS!!

My loving husband B-rad is a flyer fiend!! And he likes to read them in the shitter Library. So when he emerged from his fortress of solitude saying that he found our TV on a flier for a different store, i said: "Cool. Are you going to buy it?" and the answer, my friends... was yes.

So, off he went. Last week - all excited with stars in his eyes and joy in his heart, and i stayed home with Chewie... and then i got a phone call: "They don't have any in stock."

to which i said:

"you've got to be FUCKING kidding me!"
"yeah, i know. BUT, they DO have a 50" Panasonic G Series, but it's 200 bucks more than the 46", they also have a 46" S Series here as well. They don't know when the G Series is coming in, maybe sometime in February? But there's no guarantee. What do you think?"

Now, i know my husband. And i knew that if he asked me, and i said 'get the S series' he would ultimately be unsatisfied with it and wish he had the G series and i would hear about it forever and ever until the end of time or the TV exploded. But on the other hand, 200 bucks was a lot of money... but on the OTHER other hand, i was sick of this waiting game... but on the OTHER other other hand...fuck it.

So i said: "uhm, i guess the 50"? - wait, how big is that?"
"Uh, it's pretty big."
"like, how big?"
"well, it's almost exactly double the one we have now."

i should let you all know that i have almost zero abstract thinking capacity, and 50" - to me - might as well have been 100", or 12", or Q.

So when i said "get the big one", i still really had no idea what kind of TV it would be. But i left it in B-rad's capable and sexy hands.

then B-rad said: "So, they don't actually have any HERE in the store..."
"Well, i mean, they're HERE in the city, just at their warehouse, so they'll have it shipped to the store on Wednesday."
"...sigh, whatever. sounds good."

On Wednesday, there was a call on our machine... from the "guy he knew" at the other store wanting B-rad to call him about the 46" we were looking for, naturally. B-rad called him back and said that we had already bought a TV from somewhere else, and the "guy" said that he was calling to say that they didn't know if they were even making the 46" anymore... so it all ended up just fine.

We finally got the TV yesterday. We were scheduled for a family festivus foto last night, so as i was whirling about the house getting clean clothes for Chewie, and clean clothes for my self and getting ready i ran downstairs and saw a huge box in our rumpus room that stopped me in my tracks.
"that's a big fucking TV" i said to myself in what was almost a reverent awe... then louder: "THAT'S A BIG FUCKING TV!!"

But there was no time for that. We had places to go, and photos to smile for, and a baby to try to keep from murdering in front of our very lovely photographer, we would do THAT in private, thankyouverymuch.

Back at home, with Chewie THANKFULLY sleeping in his bed...

B-rad and i opened the box.

And the Glory of the Lord Shall Be Revealed....

i looked at b-rad's grinning face and said: "That's a big fucking TV."
"yes it is" he replied.

We were both so excited, that in my frenzied state i may have offered sexual favours to my husband, but who was i kidding? There was a huge fucking TV in my basement, and my offer went unaccepted!

And this is where B-rad truly shines. In his words: "I really get off on setting up this kind of stuff!" yes, yes he does. Because now there were all kinds of cords to plug in, and things to rearrange and make perfect.

Good lord, if it wasn't for him - i'd probably just plug it in, turn it on, and then call the cable company cuz i don't get how to make it all go...and then the cable guy would show up, and he'd be all like: "Oooh, it's hot in here, mind if i take off my shirt?" and i'd offer him a nice glass of lemonade, and i'd be all like: "Hey, you wanna cup of my sugar?" ....seriously, i may need to lay off the porn...


It's so beautiful. B-rad took a picture of me doing a very awful Vanna White, and i took a picture of him french kissing and dry humping the new TV, but this is a fucking family show! So, that picture's just for me. mmmm.

After some adjusting and finicking and all around making it perfect, we were finally ready... ready to watch a movie in our basement, on our new tv, with the sweet spot.

He turned it on, and i started giggling in excitement, it's SO awesome. It's like having a movie theatre in my home! a Home Theatre, as it were... but now it actually felt like one.

And what was the first movie to grace the screen? Star Wars? The Matrix? Lord of the Rings?


It was "The Fall", which is one of the most beautiful films i have ever seen. Stunning. I really can't believe that it wasn't better received, or that more people don't know about it. If you really want a visual treat, and an excellent story, and the most adorable little girl.... SEE...THIS...MOVIE. (Earl, Slyde, i'm not kidding. Put it in your NetFlix cue RIGHT NOW)

here's the trailer... oh, and FYI - there are NO SETS on this film, everything you see is shot on location... those are real places. Absolutely stunning.

And so. We have our TV, our Festivus gift to ourselves.
This is where the saga ends, for now... i'm aware that the next step will be BluRay, but when he brought it up as the movie was starting i said: "let's talk about that another day"

THE End.

Now go out and watch The Fall.

*this one time this guy told me that we were the kind of people that "cared about what the neighbours think" - because we're home owners and we didn't want to host loud and raucous parties anymore - and had to "Keep up with the Johnson's"... which we totally aren't... he was just being a jerk. However, B-rad DID have to out-do his father and older brother, who both have measly 42 inchers. :)

Monday, December 07, 2009

'Tis the Season - A Rant

Christmas Songs.

When i was a kid, growing up, one of my favourite parts about the oncoming holiday season was when the Christmas songs would start being played on the radio. In church, they'd start throwing in a christmasy type hymn somewhere near the end of November, just to get us all started... my mom and i would join the Christmas choir... and the house would be filled with the sweet sounds of Bing Crosby's White Christmas, or Burl Ives' Holly Jolly Christmas.

There is a certain air of innocence in Christmas music. Like, its one of the only pure things left in the world, and when you and your family spontaneously break into Joy to the World while icing Sugar Cookies, well - that's just a little piece of holiday magic.*

Then some jerk has to go and ruin it.
I submit exhibit A: Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas - sung by the uber talented Judy Garland:

absolutely beautiful and sweet.

and now: Christina Aguilera singing the same song.

Does anyone feel kinda dirty after listening to this version? to me, it feels like watching the strippers give a lap dance while sitting next to my grandma.

WHY must everything be sexualized, i ask you?? Christmas music should, in my opinion, be exempt from gyration, overly husky breathing, and general sexypantsization.

In the case of Ms Aguilera - okay, we get it. You've got some pipes. You can sing loud, and you can sing high, and you're fairly adept at yodeling. You've made your career out of it. But i tell you this, i would be far more impressed if you could tone it down for once.

Exhibit B:
Oh Holy Night, sung by cuteypants Josh Groban:

and then, again, the same song... by Mariah Carey

Again, i'm aware that Ms Carey can sing. She's not my personal fave, but i admit she has some chops. However, is Oh Holy Night really the place to be showcasing that? (incidentally, Oh Holy Night is my favourite Christmas song of all time)

Exhibit C:
What Child is This - Sung by Sarah McLachlan

Nice, huh? And now...

Jessica Simpson

I apologize for that last one, i think my ears may actually be bleeding.

I guess the traditionalist in me just wants my christmas music to be TRADITIONAL, and leave the heavy breathing for some other song.

Maybe next they'll start recording children's albums....

Jessica Simpson sings: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star in her Daisy Dukes.... or Britney Spears sings: The Itsy Bitsy Spider while motorboating your dad...

I submit for your attention - a list of other Christmas songs that can fall into a black hole and die a long, slow, miserable death:

1. Grandma got run over by a reindeer
2. The 12 days of Christmas**
3. I wanna Hippopotamus for Christmas
4. Six White Boomers
5. any song sung by meowing cats or barking dogs
6. Marshmellow World
7. Jessica Simpson
8. Where are you Christmas?
9. Santa Baby, the Madonna Version (via Xtine)
10. (All I Want For Christmas is my) Two Front Teeth (via Xtine)
11. The Little Drummer Boy
12. Do They Know its Christmas After All
13. Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time. (via The Kitchen Witch)
14. Feliz Navidad (via The Kitchen Witch)

Also, i've just decided to make a list of AWESOME Christmas songs, just so we don't dwell on the negative. Songs that should annoy me, but oddly don't?
1. Snoopy vs The Red Baron - Christmas Bells
2. Bob and Doug McKenzie's 12 Days of Christmas (must be the Canadian in me... pass the back Bacon)
3. All I want For Christmas is You (i know, i know... i can't help it, it's so catchy)
4. Santa Baby
5. Anything from the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack

6. Muppets 12 Days of Christmas (via Xtine)
7. The Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth - Bing Crosby and David Bowie
8. Elf's Lament (via Josh)
9. Father Christmas (via Earl)
10. Fairy Tale of New York (Xmas Song)
11. O Night Divine (via Fourleafclover)
12. Joni Mitchell's "river" by Sarah McLachlan (via The Kitchen Witch)
13. Rockapella doing "Silver Bells" (via Josh)
[your fave...right here!!]

Feel free to add your two cents... which songs could you do without?? Which songs do you love despite your better judgement??

*all my personal feelings about religion aside, i just love christmas music
** except for Bob and Doug's version, naturally... also The Muppets 12 Days of Christmas... Ba-Dum Bum Bum... (via Xtine)

Sunday, December 06, 2009


dear internets.

It's finally winter 'round here.
After months of absolutely gorgeous weather, the snow finally came - just in time for December.
Along with the festivus season comes the stress, the bad versions of Christmas carols on the radio and in the malls, but don't even get me STARTED on the malls... seriously.

I just finished a meditating workshop today. to practice calming the mind.

what have you been up to?
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