a guest post in two parts...

Sometimes you have a story to tell that you just can't post on your own blog...

my good friend Paige has a doozy, and when i asked her if she was going to post it, she felt the content was, perhaps, not suited for her blog... so naturally i offered to post it on mine.... behold:

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Once upon a time, on a regular Sunday night, there was a regular girl who just wanted to shake things up a bit. She announced to her wonderful, loving husband, with her bedroom eyes, that she was going to bed. And she was going to be naked. The regular girl prepared the bedroom for an evening of love and quickly undressed and waited for her mate.

"I'll be right there, I just want to check the football highlights," called the wonderful, loving husband. And the girl waited and waited and waited. Finally she fell asleep. The girl awoke when her wonderful, loving husband came to bed hours later, but she was upset from all the waiting. After a pitiful sleep, she awoke the next morning quite upset that she had been put second to sports highlights. She lashed out at her mate. He apologized, he thought she was kidding about the evening of love. This enraged the girl even more, she threatened to cut him off from all loving for a good, long time.

The girl kept thinking about the previous evening's events, or lack thereof while on her journey to work and finally sought advice from a close friend.

Paige: The sex was pre-empted by football highlights. I fell asleep waiting...
Diva: Oh…My…GOD!!!
Paige: Yup. I'm a little frustrated. In a few ways.... Are you still selling toys?
Diva: Oh my, that is funny… I’m not, actually. Selling toys that is… except for the demo toys. I’m selling those… they’re still good, just need a good cleaning and some fresh batteries…
Paige: Hmm. Too bad. I was thinking a nice large package arriving on my door step oughtta peak his interest.
Diva: Hahaha!! Oh my, that is funny. Football? Seriously?? Oh man, I’d be making him pay…BIG TIME for that world class blunder.
Paige: Yeah. Football. Not even the superbowl or rose bowl or toilet bowl, whatever it is. Football HIGHLIGHTS. And I announced myself. "I'm going to bed now and I'm going to be naked." He said he thought I was kidding.
Diva: Ho-lee shit. You need something that needs a lot of effing batteries…
Paige: I was thinking maybe a Briggs & Stratton motor, pull start, diesel...
I've put on my shopping list 10 rolls of saran wrap. Gonna make me a Fried Green Tomatoes saran wrap dress!
Diva: LOL!! Yes!! That's awesome. Oh my. You are on a hilarious roll this morning.

The more the girl thought about the episode the more hilarious it became. She sent a message to her love "I'm expecting spectacular make-up sex and I'm not kidding. You better Google something good."

"Sounds like it's time for the reverse scorpion," came his reply.

The girl was confused, what is the reverse scorpion? Again she sought the advice of a close friend.

Diva: OH EM GEE…I have no idea what that is, but now I’m kinda curious…You’re on your own with this one, baby!!

The girl figured it was probably some boorish thing her wonderful, loving husband made up! I'm probably not flexible enough to even do it if it is real, she thought to herself.