Last week, someone called my house and in a heavy HEAVY accent (french, i think) started asking me questions... before i had fully understood what was going on, i was answering them because, well, she kept on asking.
I have been known to answer the odd phone in survey, if i'm not busy.
my first tip off should have been when she didn't ask if now was a good time.
She just went barreling into her shpiel... RED FLAG NUMBER ONE!!!
Whatever, the survey didn't take very long and she asked questions like: Does anyone you know have asthma or allergies? Does anyone in your home smoke? do you have carpets... RED FLAG NUMBER TWO!!!!
This was last week.
Last night after a particularly frustrating trip of running errands to which 3 out of 5 places we went were closed - in the rain - with Chewie in tow... i was finishing up with Chewie in the bath when the phone rang. Now, B-rad has been suffering from a killer headache all day, so when i came up the stairs he was still on the phone with that look of: "I'm concentrating really hard cuz i don't know what this person is talking about"... as i wrestled our little dude into his jammies B-rad finally said: "I'll let my wife answer" and handed the phone to me...
It was the same Heavily accented woman, who i could hardly understand because not only was she talking super fast, it sounded like she had marbles in her mouth and was chewing on cotton.
I finally made out that because i had answered that survey my number had been selected for a free prize! RED FLAG NUMBER THREE!!! and would i like the Tupperwaresque food containers, or a hotel voucher for 2 nights stay all around North America.
See, B-rad and i have been contemplating Vegas...
Meanwhile, Chewie is screaming bloody murder - i said numerous times: "I'm trying to put my son to bed" to which she would say: "Yes, ma'am, i understand... so can i send someone by to drop off your prize? would 8:30 or 8:45 be better for you?"
RED FLAG NUMBER FOUR!!
"I'm sorry, what? I can't hear you. I'm trying to put my son to bed!!" Oh, Laura, why didn't you just hang up the phone!?
"Yes, ma'am, i understand that. So would 8:30 or 8:45 work better for you?"
OH MY GOD!
"Tonight?"
"yes, ma'am."
GRRRRRRRR
"Okay, fine. 8:30."
MISTAKE!!!!
i think they hire heavily accented people on purpose for these types of things, because by the time i had deciphered what the hell she was talking about, i had agreed to let some jerk off into my home....sigh.
I finally got Chewie to bed, B-rad was laying down in the bedroom watching TV, his head STILL pounding...
the doorbell rings at 8:15.
FIRST OF ALL.... DO NOT RING MY GODDAMNED DOORBELL AFTER 7:30!! That is, unless YOU want to put Chewie back to bed.
i open the door and there's this scrawny little guy carrying big boxes, and i'm thinking...that doesn't look like a hotel voucher...
"Hi," he says, "we have an appointment?"
"uhm, i guess so."
So he comes in and takes off his shoes, i vaguely remember accent-lady saying something about a no obligation to buy quick demonstration about air filters and i say: "It's just going to be me, my husband's not feeling well."
and he says that he can't do the presentation unless my husband is present...
...what?...
Laura: "What do you mean you can't do the presentation without him?"
Jerkoff: "Well, we can't do the presentation because he'd need to be here because you can't make any purchasing decisions without him."
L: "Whoah. Excuse me? you're saying i can't make any decisions without my husband present? you are walking on VERY thin ice here." [laura shoots the evil nasties his way]
J: [immediate backtracking] "No, i mean you wouldn't make such a big purchasing decision without discussing it with him, right?...but seeing as he's actually here in the house, it should be okay."
OHMYGOD! RED FUCKING FLAGS!!! ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!!
So, the even longer story short - the "quick air filters demonstration" lasted one and a half hours.
Oooh, the Defender! Look at it's ROUND glory!!
Don't you want to spend your money on me?
and pay $150 a year to have the filter replaced by
ONLY Health-Mor or void your warranty?
The only thing i could think of that this would be good for would be for cleaning the air
after a little 'party' if you know what i mean....
The jist of the sales pitch, here's this air purification system (which actually looked kinda cool) and here's this vacuum cleaner.... let me vacuum your floor and show you how disgusting you are and how you and your family are living in squalor.
First of all the Filter Queen vacuum that he was selling.... we had one. I HATED it, i hated everything about it. I hated the way i moved, i hated the filtering system, i hated the canister... so that's why we bought a Dyson - which i Looooove.... if i could make mad passionate love to vacuum, that would be the one... sigh...
So, when he told the dude about how i used to have a FiterQueen, hated it, and was now dry humping my Dyson, he knew he wasn't making that sale, but pitched it anyway...
I am the Filter Queen of the Damned!!! You will bow to me
or i will cut off your head
and then offer you a useless Hotel Voucher that must be activated within
FIFTEEN DAYS
"The FilterQueen," (which i don't want) "can be yours for the low low price of $4,000!! But don't worry, if $4,000 is not in your budget today, we can finance it for you," (and also charge you an arm and a leg and your sleeping babe while we're at it)..."at a level to fit any budget."
"No"
"Okay, what about this air filter? for $1,299? you can finance it no money down and $33/month!"
"No."
"What would it take to get you to buy one of these filters?"
"Give it to me for free and i'll take it off your hands"
"What about if i give it to you for free...for three months?"
"No."
at this point, it's 9:45 and i am tired and i just want this guy out of my house, so i tell him "We're really not interested, i'm happy with my vacuum and there's no way in hell i'm paying $1299 for an air purifier."
He finally leaves and i get a chance to look at the voucher and laugh at all the restrictions and hoops that one would have to jump through to actually USE said voucher.... le sigh.
I did contemplate sending him to my friend Jaimie's house, she's a nurse and works for the Lung Association, i have a feeling she'd chew him up and spit him out when he says that the air in your home is the 4th hazardous thing you can ever breathe in... tobacco smoke being #10 and second hand smoke being #7....
But i felt for the guy. He'd only been selling for 3 weeks and had 2 year old twin girls at home. Still. Get the fuck out of my house. y'know?!?
So, anyway, hindsight being what it is, i had AMPLE opportunities to get out, but i never saw the flags!
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