Passive Aggressiveness. It's my own personal shortcoming. I admit it. I constantly struggle with P.A. and am often left frustrated by the way it makes me feel. It's really a lose-lose situation for me. Either i say what i want to say and feel guilty for being a P.A. Coward, or I say nothing and feel powerless and silent. There has been the odd time where P.A. leave me with a feeling of "that'll show 'em" but generally i just feel a sensation akin to guilt or shame.
This is doubly hard for me because being the sarcastically witty dame that i am, sarcasm lends itself quite nicely to Passive Aggressiveness. no?
I know i am guilty of it, though... even on this blog. a few times. in the last month. It doesn't make me proud, but if not here, then where? I have to convince myself that this is MY forum. My place to let it all hang out, my fortress of solitude where i can scream my passive aggressive jerkiness into the internet void... only, sometimes i'm not alone. Sometimes i can hurt people who i have no intention of hurting. Sometimes i write things even though I KNOW that people may read it and be offended. Yes, i am aware i'm being passive about this right now, nobody says you need to keep reading... except i love you, so please stay... i'm just in a space right now.
So, what is this all about? why am i bringing this up? Because the last nine months or so have been filled with passive aggressive behaviour, and it hasn't all been on my part. There is drama. Everyone has drama. I'm not going to discuss it here, because it's not the time or the place, and it's not the kind of info to be made public. I can deal with the drama. Or, rather, i can make myself indifferent to the drama because dealing with it has just made it worse, dealing with it has just dug the shit hole even deeper.
Facebook.
Seriously.
Facebook is a breeding ground for passive aggressiveness and i'll tell you why... because facebook gives you a platform to NOT confront matters head on, but to confront people or situations in a public forum without actually coming face to face with the person or situation. It's a place to hang your dirty laundry for everyone to see. It's a place to call out over the fence and say: "I hate it when neighbours hang their dirty laundry in their backyard!" instead of walking next door.
My facebook feed has been filled to the brim with passive aggressiveness (of course, much of that is due to recently being friended by my 12 year old cousin who lacks any kind of maturity yet...mistake!?!?). And i'm not saying that sometimes it isn't me... cuz lord knows i can P.A. it with the best of 'em...but i'm really trying. Really. It's enough to make me consider closing my facebook account... something i flirt with on the day to day... i know someone who recently made it out, and it looks good. it looks real good.
It's not just facebook, i realize. FB is just the way its been globalized lately. FB is the way it's been in my face lately.
It's so very frustrating, and i guess what i want to say is that it's not something i'm proud of, i'm trying very hard to change my ways. This is my goal for this year (yes, i can make new years resolutions in the middle of April, deal!) to be less passive aggressive, and less aggressively aggressive. I do NOT want my children growing up in this kind of environment, thinking that this is an okay way to deal with things. So i better start being a better example, eh?
What about you? How do you deal with passive aggressiveness, or how to you refrain from being so?
i need all the help i can get.
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