Why Not Try?

So, for those of you who don't know, i've signed up for a Triathlon. It's just a mini one, a "Try"athlon to be exact - where you're not competing, there's no times, its just to try out a triathlon to see if it's for you.

What i joined was a ladies only training and triathlon.

The first meeting was yesterday afternoon. I was going to try to find someone to do this with me, like my mom, but she's already done the program twice and you can only do it two times. Another friend of mine was very close to signing up and decided not to, which was fine. So in the end, i signed up to do it solo. I'll be fine, right?

So, i get to the meeting and find my way to the gym at the local YWCA where there are several women already there. I wanted to get there early so i wasn't standing at the back when the meeting started.

I signed in, got my welcome package, signed up for my swim time and then took a deep breath. There were mats on the floor for sitting and my first inclination was to sit on the edge of the group somewhere, but i thought to myself - "Laura, you may be terrified, but you'll never meet anyone on the edge of the group" so i walked boldly into the throng of mats and sat down somewhere in the middle.

As people signed in and began finding seats, i looked nervously around me. There was the odd loner here and there, but mostly everyone was doing this program with a buddy or 2. I sent out a shy smile (Oh, yeah, i know it's hard to tell by my blog, but i'm uber shy) to those few ladies sitting alone, and then watched as they, one by one, waved over a friend who was just arriving.

I'm not kidding when i tell you that by the time everyone had arrived and signed in and found their place on the floor, i was the only person sitting alone. Alone in the middle of a crowd. I started having these memories of being the new girl in school flooding back to my brain, and it was overwhelming and almost brought me to tears. I was alone. And suddenly all my confidence that i walked in with flew out the window and i was fourteen again. Or twelve, or ten or eight or six... any one of the times i was forced to start a new school and be a stranger among the already established cliques.

god, i thought i was passed this feeling, being a grown up and all. i immediately sent a text to B-rad telling him i was freaking out, and within seconds he shot one back that said; "You don't need support. You're strong like that. We love you and can't wait to watch you race." he's awesome.

i couldn't get over how easily i felt like a child. it shook me.
I know that in the end, it'll be awesome, I'LL be awesome, it'll all be fine...but that first meeting was awful. It was overwhelming, not only the feeling of being an outcast, but on top of that i felt like everything they were talking about was going over my head no matter how hard i tried to pay attention and to absorb what they were saying.

My first run is Thursday night. They run in pairs. i'm not looking forward to that awkward moment when they realize that i'm a single.