Tuesday, December 23, 2008


well, i am alive, although it feels kinda craptastic to be me right now.
thanks for all your wellwishes.

i have 3 pretty fabulous incisions and i can't lift anything bigger than 10 lbs, which makes it hard to feed my baby or hold him or any of that.

Morphine makes me realllllly realllllly sick. So, when i should have been going home around noon, i ended up staying until 4 or so. The original plan was that B-rad would drop me off and my mom would come by with chewie and pick me up at noon...

they wheeled me down to surgery and i chatted with the nurses, and when the nurse gave me an IV saying it was breakfast and lunch i said i'm going to imagine it's cheesecake. yuk yuk yuk.

Next thing i remember, i'm waking up and B-rad is there next to me. Best surprise ever.

So, now i'm at home, and we're all just hanging out in the bed watching Christmas specials. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer to be exact.

Monday, December 22, 2008

a word

surgery surgery surgery

i go under the knife in less than 12 hours, and i'll admit - i'm a tad nervous. don't get me wrong, i'm so very glad i was able to get in, but there's that pre-op feeling of dread lingering over me. Anytime you have to be put under makes me a little uneasy, after all... it is STILL surgery... no matter how you slice it, or me.

it makes me really love these moments with my son as he chatters away on my knee, and makes me so thankful for my husband and for family close by who will look after my son...

And also, thanks to all you internet buddies who've put me in your thoughts and prayers. i really appreciate it.

so sayonara blog world, when i come back - it'll be sans gallbladder!

Friday, December 19, 2008

365 Days of Grace - Part Five

1. Sitting in a quiet basement with my husband, watching our son smile in his sleep.

2. Realizing that, when he wants to, our Son can speak fluent Baby Robot. (beep boop beep, dooo, beeep ahdoooo)

3. Taking pictures of baby and poppa while they nap on the couch.

4. Blowing raspberries in public places.

5. Noticing that both B-rad and Chewie make the same face when they sleep.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Heck Yes!

It's official. I go under the knife, finally! After the huge let-down last week when they told me i wouldn't be going for surgery until the new year, i got a call this morning informing me that there's been a cancellation, and am i at all interested in coming in on Dec 23rd for surgery?

Hell Yes, I am.

Monday, December 15, 2008


[scene: Interior, Rumpus Room. Laura is having a gallstone attack and is splayed across the couch. B-rad sits on the floor rubbing her feet trying to activate her reflex point for her gallbladder as they wait for the hyoscine butylbromide to kick in...Laura moves off into pain killer la la land....]

B-rad: What's going on up there?
Laura: hmmmn??
B-rad: What's going on up there?
Laura: ..mmm... painkillers make me....relax...
B-rad: [pause]...So you wanna try anal?

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why i married the man.

Giveaway: Secret obsessions.... oh yeah, the good stuff

What's your Secret Obsession?
Well, i'll tell you one thing, that sexy pants Eva Mendes is one of my secret obsessions. Seriously. Look at that hawtness. And do i detect a hint of Nipple there? yes. yes i do. Thank you Eva, thank you.

It's hard for me to really divulge what my secret obsessions are, mostly because i'm fairly open to what i'm into, so that doesn't make for good reading.

Here are a few things, that - yes, i am about to divulge to you internets - consequences be damned.

1. Boybands. I know, it's totally, like, everything i'm against in popular music, like, y'know? But OMG they are just, like, so totally cute and junk. But for serious, i do have a secret obsession with boybands. I admit it. I am a little ashamed, but it's true. See, as a woman - they are well groomed handsome, seemingly romantic and polite gentlemen.... and as a musician - i'm a sucker for anyone who can sing - especially when it's in 4 part harmony. I KNOW, i know. I know that it's not what you would expect from a die hard TOOL fan.

well, maybe OBSESSION is kind of a strong word, but you know what i mean.

2. Hands and Wrists. You could be deeeeaaaaad sexy, but if you're a man and you have prissy girly hands, well then i'm sorry, it's a no go.. What it takes to make this motor run are manly hands with the perfect accenting accessories. A perfect example of this is Big Chunky Rings, or wrist bands, or sometimes even nail polish (in a rare case i found my self attracted to Dave Nevaro because of his hands... but i got over it, don't worry) Johnny Depp has this down to a science and his hands and wrists are a large reason why he is in my top five Fuckable Men list. Yeah....

And conversly, if you're a totally hawtness lady and you've got the curves and the sex appeal and general hot factor - but your hands are manish and veiny, that can turn you from a hero to a big fat zero.... case in point: Angelina Jolie. What the hell happened to her? She used to be the number one on my Doable Dames list, but then she got all uber skinny and her hands got all skinny and old looking, seriously she looks like she has the hands of an 80 year old man! No matter how sexy her sex appeal is, the thought of those hands anywhere near me make me dry up like an raisin in the sun my friends.

ahem. okay.

So another thing that i'm secretly obsessed with?

Currently i'm obsessed with:
3. anything deep fried or smothered in cheese. But i blame that on the gallstones. B-rad and i have decided that once i have my sugery (which i have on good athority is being scheduled for early January... Hopefully in the first week of January) we are going to have what B-rad has been calling: "Laura the Great's Glorious Gluttonous Revenge on those GallDanged Gallstones Gala...be there" which will be a celebration of all things fatty and delicious that i have not been able to eat but have had to watch everyone around me eat. That's right, i'm going to fill a kiddie pool with french fries and cheese curds and smother it with gravy and then roll around in it in my underwear. Oooh Lordy.

4. Vampires.
The thought of letting some sexy vampire bite me in the throes of passion make me a little tingly in my lady bits... yeah, you could say i wanna be a fangbanger - a la True Blood style. Something about the highly unattainable sexy undead....something about 'em. sigh

5. Paper Supplies
Whhhaaaa??? yeah, i know. it's a weird one, but i'm an odd duck. Ever since i can remember, i've had a love affair with paper supplies. I love the feel of a notebook in my hands. i love the way the perfect pen glides across the surface of the page. Sometimes i love watching the ink dry from glistening black to a matte. Oh, for the record, it's Black for rollerball ink pens, and Blue for ball point - and always medium point.

So, what's the point of all this? well - here's the thing. The good folks at Calvin Klein want to know what your secret obsession is, and frankly so do i. So, why not fess up and tell me? c'mon, i'm a good listener and i'd never judge you. If your obsession is dressing up like a pony and having your partner ride you around the living room, that's okay. Of if you're into squishing vanilla pudding between your toes i can get behind that. Lemme know. And if you DO let me know YOU could win!

The holidays are almost here and as part of the season of giving, we would love to offer you a Calvin Klein Secret Obsession giveaway for your readers.

The giveaway package will include a full size bottle of Calvin Klein’s Secret Obsession, a coppery/bronze metal charm necklace with a clasp at the back and two handcuffs joined in front, and a Secret Obsession sleeping mask.

So what do you have to do to win this giveaway? Simple, just tell me what your secret Obsession is in the comments, or by email at madam_diva [at] yahoo[dot]com... (put Secret obsession in the subject line) and you will be entered to win. For another entry, post about this contest on your blog (make sure to leave me a comment with the url of that post). Good times all around. This contest will close Thursday December 18th at midnight so i can get it shipped out ASAP.

Good luck.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Conversation - childhood crushes

Clear Chat History
lol, chewie has been mucho groucy today on account of his not being able to poop for the past 3 days.

I remember those days.... they don't go away even when your little boy is two and a half.
I should really do some painting tonight... I've been meaning to paint my baseboards since I moved in here.

well, the night is young, relatively speaking.
how have you been, other than the whole leg waxing thing?

Aw, I didn't bother waxing yet. Figure I'll save the magic for later... but I'll try to get to it by next weekend.
I'm good, I'm good. Got new bangs.

yeah, i saw the new hawtness.

Wanted to do something new with my hair without cutting it. One of the pictures on my vision board is a lady with hair all the way down to her feet.
I'm shooting for butt length hair. Gonna get me some Lord of the Rings tresses.

holy shizznit!
i don't have the patience to grow mine past my shoulders.

Ah, the universe in all it's abundance will give your hair length to me then. :D:D

lol, yes.
i'm trying to decide whether to grow mine out again for a while, or to chop it at the chin again.

You'd look cute in that classic Mia Farrows pageboy.

*is googling it to see what the eff you're talking about... lol*

It's the new short hairdo Posh Spice is currently sporting.

hmn. not so sure that the pageboy is my thing.

Too short? Wouldn't blame you. Can't do the short hair myself. :):)

are we talking like, rosemary's baby hair?
like a shaggy pixie?

I think so.
Gotta watch that movie sometime, btw... I've never seen it.

me either... perhaps one day we'll watch it together.
meh, i think i'm done with the super short for a loooong time.... for some reason hair dressers seem to give that cut to me all the time, but i never like it for very long and it takes so very long to grow out.

Lol... wait until your baby is older, methinks. Watching a movie about a devil baby might not sit well with you.

yes, good point.

So - going to join me in the Elven hair club? We'll do all sorts of fancy Princess Leia braids together!

long hair is tempting.
the longest my hair has ever been was right before i got married.

And pretty... on either gender.

yes. indeed.

I did always like Neflite's long... thick... wavy hair...

Ah... <3<3 Neflite.

ahhh, the good old crushes... they never die do they. sigh....

No - old crushes never die.
Particulary the cartoon ones.

yep, i hear ya. there has only ever really and truly been one cartoon love for me.
i burn a torch for him still.

Robin Hood, what a fox.

Lol! Oh yeah! Forgot about him.

my first love.
and the birth of my equating british accents with sexiness
"I love her, you know." sigh.
i was fairly certain i would grow up and marry him, the fact that he was a cartoon make believe member of the Canine family who would have lived hundreds of years ago BE HANGED!

...of course, i was also fairly certain that i would end up marrying Chef Boyardee.

Have you blogged about this yet? If not, make sure I get credit again. :):)

LOL, would you believe i'm looking up pics of Robin Hood and Neflite so i can do just that??

Monday, December 08, 2008

365 days of Grace - Part the Fourth

1. Dental plans that will, together, cover my mouth guard 100% and soon i should have less teeth grindage and more better sleeps.

2. Grammar like "More Better".

3. My Grandfathers who is secretly refinishing a sleigh for Chewie this Christmas.

4. Family dinners where everyone laughs

5. Going through the old toy box and finding old ninja turtles.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

awww yeeahhhh.

So, the prize for "BEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL NIGHT" award goes to my dear friend Fourleafclover for pointing this most amazing tidbit of information:

Tim Burton is making Alice in Wonderland and i can hardly wait.

Why you ask?

This is why...

Friday, December 05, 2008

Tummy Troubles... an update in G Minor

A while ago i got a letter in the mail from the association of surgeons telling me that i was Officially on the waiting list to have my gallbladder removed. There was no mention of a date, just that i was on the list, and that if i had already been contacted about a date that i should disregard the letter. Well, i had 'unofficially' been booked in for Christmas Eve day, so i've been playing the waiting game.

Last week i had my first ever gallstone attack that happened during the day, while B-rad was at work. I held on as long as i could - but it was awful, really really bad. So i sent B-rad a text telling him to hurry home, and i put the baby in the swing and curled up into a ball on the kitchen floor.

When B-rad got home he called around to find a sitter for Chewie, and then we hopped in the car and drove to the hospital...

My time spent in Emergency just brought me right back to the day that Chewie was born.... every single health personnel i spoke with held my frakkin' chart in their hands which had all of my information - and yet they each asked me the same stupid questions...

Random Health Care Worker: "So, what kind of stomach pains are you having?"
Me: "Uhm, i'm having a gallstone attack. I'm on the Urgent Waiting list to have my gallbladder removed."
RHCW: "Mmm Hmmm, right. And do you have a history of gallstones?"
Me: "Yes! That's why i'm getting the gallbladder removed."
RHCW: "Okay, so have you had an xray and ultrasound?"
Me: "Yes, i have."
RHCW: "And what were the results of that?"
Me: "uh, that i have gallstones? Look, i just met with Dr. S - a surgeon in this hospital not even 2 weeks ago and he said he'd put me on the urgent waiting list -"
RHCW: "okay, have you seen anyone about this before?"
Me: "GAH! YES! My family doctor several times, who referred me to Dr. S, a surgeon at this hospital who has decided that my gallbladder needs to be removed. It's right there on your chart - Nov. 17th!"
RWCW: "okay, Laura. We're going to take some blood and do some tests, in the meantime, we'll get you something for the pain."

All that, and i think we may have had the rudest nurse ever. I understand that we were at the hospital on the "Rough" side of town, but jeebus lady! It was like just my mere presence there in her Emergency Ward offended her.

The upside to all this, was that they gave me morphine for the pain.... at least, i'm pretty sure it was morphine. B-rad asked me if i felt high, and i said no, but then i grabbed his face and his beard felt really awesome and fuzzy and i started laughing... "maybe i do"

After hanging out for a while, the doctor came back in and said: "Well, I just got your test results back from the lab, and it looks like you were having a gallstone attack."

HOLY SHIT!!! Give the frikkin man a prize!! i laughed when he told me that. It's like, I understand that they can't just take anyone's word for it when they come into the hospital but c'mon! i told 4 different people that i was having a gallstone attack and that i have a history of gallstones.... and then the doctor said to me: "So, have you seen anyone about these gallstones of yours?"

So, they sent me home with pain killers if i had another attack - which were almost confiscated at the Nine Inch Nails concert...

and then two nights ago, i woke up in the middle of the night feeling nauseous - thinking that i was getting the flu, cuz i've been sniffling and have a scratchy throat... i got up to go to the bathroom to puke, and maybe it was the gravity when i stood up but it was like i got slammed in the gut by the Gallstone Train and i almost passed out, and literally fell back down onto the bed. I woke up B-rad, and he went and got my heavy duty pain killers. I took one, but then i had to ride out the time between when i swallowed the pill and when it kicked in.

I thought i was going to die.
I swear to god, it's worse than labour. As i told my dear friend Paige last night - "I'd rather deliver a million babies than have gallstones".

B-rad tried working my right foot, in the spot in the arch that corresponds with the gallbladder, but i think it was too intense of an attack. We have, in the past, been able to avoid an attack by working that spot... not so the other night. I don't know what to do, it's not like i'm going out and eating Big Macs and milkshakes.... i only had chicken and rice for supper! i know, as the really rude nurse told me, that if i drink more water (More that 3 quarts a day) i can avoid these attacks more easily, but damn, that's a lot of water....and being dehydrated can bring on an attack.

the universe is telling me to drink more water.
dehydration was also a factor in Chewie coming 2 months early. the thing is, it's not like i DON'T drink a lot of water, it's just that i'm not drinking enough for all the extra shit going down in my body. fucking stupid gallbladder.

ANYWAY, so today i decided to call the Surgeon's office to find out for sure what the deal is, whether or not i should be planning a nice quiet Christmas even in a green surgical gown. The receptionist looked me up, and said: "No, sorry - it looks like even Christmas Eve is all booked up, so you likely won't have your surgery until the new year." FUCK! I mean, i didn't really look forward to spending christmas in the hospital, but if you only knew this pain - and for those of you that DO know this pain, you know what i'm talking about.

So, the waiting game continues.
The worst part of all this is all the christmas parties where i won't be able to eat anything! i'll have to pack my own carrot sticks.... damn.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Nine 1" Nails? or Several 9" Nails?

Holy Shit.

Last night B-rad and I left the baby with my brother, and went to see Nine Inch Nails.

What a show... seriously.

It was one of the most high intensity concerts i've seen, and i couldn't help but get caught up in the energy.... i mean, they were ROCKSTARS! They were kicking over mic stands left and right, the guitarist would kick over his amp.... Trent threw a keyboard right off the front of the stage - God, those roadies had their work cut out for them.

We had wicked awesome seats - Row 7 in the stands, we were close enough to practically be doused with sweat from the band.

i'll admit, i'm not really INTO Nine Inch Nails.... but i will be now... and how that dude can rock so hard - his whole body was drenched with sweat and i admit i was a might turned on by him and his passion as he fucking rocked the house.

They didn't play "Hurt", which i was kinda disappointed about - but i got the feeling that he wasn't feeling so well... from our seats we had a really good view of backstage - and thought we saw him pop a pill halfway through, and near the end of the show i saw him signalling to one of the backstage dudes what appeared to me to be '2 more' cuz the show ended shortly afterwards.

B-rad said he thought Trent's voice sounded a little raw at the beginning... so if that's the case, i can't believe he rocked as hard as he did, considering he wasn't feeling well.

Seriously, it was great! and the sound was great too, sometimes i find at those big loud concerts the sound can be overwhelming and you miss out on stuff, but they must have had a good mixer.

The projections were awesome too, and it made me wish that we were more head on to the stage, instead of on the sides, cuz we missed out on some of that - but there's no way i would survive in the 'pit'. The crowd surfers were keeping the security dudes busy, and i thought a few times that there were going to be some serious injuries as one dude narrowly missed falling over the bars onto his head as the security caught him just in time.

And there were two cases where the medics were called out - that we saw anyway... one was a chick who was wheeled out in a chair from the floor - and another was some dude one row down from us who seemed to have passed out or o.d.'d or something. Crazy.

But there was no shortage of wacky tabacky in the air - so i can imagine there were other types of mind altering substances... i nearly had my prescription pain killers for Gallstone attacks taken away from me at the door. Lucky for me the security guard looked younger than me, and she looked me up and down and said: "No Sharing." and i was like: "Hell no, i NEED those." Well, i wished i woulda said that. i did tell her i needed them, but i was more panicked that they were going to take them away, and i probably shouldn't have brought them, but i really didn't want to have to leave the concert early because i was having an attack and then spend the evening in Emergency high on Morphine like i did last week...

Anyway, it was an excellent concert, even if they didn't play 'Hurt' and there was no encore... i'd definately see them again - and hopefully next time i'll be a little more versed in the ways of Nine Inch Nails.
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