I I I, Me Me Me, Meme

I am: half asleep
I think: Madonna is overrated
I know: more than you think
I have: a headache
I wish: for more energy
I hate: being told what to do
I miss: my grade 12 weight.
I fear: Nuclear War
I hear: Chewie cooing in his sleep
I smell: like old breastmilk.
I crave: sex.
I search: the internet for scrapbook layouts
I wonder: what Chewie will be like in 20 years
I regret: nothing
I love: him more than he'll ever know
I ache: in the head region
I am not: the ugly fat woman that society would have me believe. fuck you society.
I believe: in something greater than myself that is all encompassing and beautiful, but Religion fucks it up.
I dance: all the time and i fear the day my kids will say: "Stop it mom, you're embarrassing us!"
I sing: not as much as i used to. it's sad. i think i have a complex that i hope to get over some day. i think i have to make my mantra: "Yeah, i AM that good and it's okay to be talented". i always think that when i sing people will think i'm showing off.
I cry: often, i blame the hormones.
I fight: a battle everyday with myself, my self esteem, my confidence...some days i win, some days i don't.
I win: when i overcome my fears
I lose: when i let them control me
I never: want to stop laughing
I always: over analyze and worry over every small detail until my brain goes numb
I confuse: b's and p's all the time
I listen: to the music in stores - i can't tune it out
I can usually be found: in my basement these days.
I am scared: i've wasted my talents
I need: to be hugged every single day
I am happy about: FourLeafClover's new house!
I imagine: myself as a huge star.

A meme about Me and B-rad

Holy Shinto, can you believe this month is almost over already?
The loverly Abigail Road has tagged me for this meme, and i love a good meme... as you may already know. Ms Road has recently gotten engaged and soon will be Mrs. Smyrish, and she has requested to know the Story of Us (that being myself and The B-rad). How can i say no? I can't.

1. What is his name?
His name is B-rad, why? cuz he's always Being Rad and stuff.

2. Who eats more?
He does. for sho.

3. Who said, “I love you” first?
That would be me, and that was way back in Grade Nine when we dated and i knew i was in love with him and i told him and scared him away for about 3 years...

4. Who is taller?
He is, now. When we dated in the Ninth Grade, i was taller and it bothered him a bit, i think.

6. Who is more sensitive?
He actually is quite sensitive... i'd have to say we are equally sensitive, but about different things.

7. Who does the laundry?
We generally do our own laundry, but if i'm doing a load of darks i'll often throw in some of his stuff with mine. Laundry is one of the Household chores that i actually don't mind doing. I find folding laundry kinda relaxing. weird, huh?

8. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
Generally, i do. The right side is closer to the bathroom and also closer to the window and the wall. But with the baby sleeping in our room, i've been sleeping on the left side to be closer to the basinette.

9. Who pays the bills?
I think we're getting direct withdrawal for our bills soon, so the computer pays them? But right now he pays the bills except for the cell phones. i pay those. but it all comes from the same money, so....

10. Who cooks more?
He does. Definately. I hate cooking. Well, actually, i don't really hate it. i just hate deciding WHAT to cook. That makes me crazy. If i know what i'm going to make and i have all the ingredients handy, i don't mind at all. But generally he cooks more, although we try to make supper together if possible.

11. Who is more stubborn?
He'll tell you that i am. And i probably am, but he's fairly stubborn in his own right.

12. Who is the first to admit they are wrong?
i hate it when we fight, and i hate the feeling of "we've just had a fight...now what??" so i'm most likely the one who will bridge the gap to get us communicating again.

13. Who has more siblings?
We both have 3 brothers. The difference is that he's the baby of his family, and i'm the second oldest of mine.

14. Who wears the pants in the relationship?
We both wear pants? i actually hate wearing skirts or dresses if i can help it. But i don't think that's REALLY what this question is about....

15. What do you like to do together?
We like to listen to music together. My hubby is an audiophile. We also like to watch movies and chill out on the deck. Mostly though, we like to "hang out". He's my best friend.

16. Who eats more sweets?
i do. B-rad is not a fan of sweets, generally speaking. And i'm not either, really, but i'll be the one who wants dessert at a restaurant, or will suggest we go and get ice cream.

17. Guilty Pleasures?
Bondage?

18. How did you meet?
We met in Grade Nine, i had just moved to the small town where we grew up... Fresh Meat and all that. The full story of us can be read here if you're into it.

19. Who asked whom out first?
He did. Almost every time we dated (in our on again off again relationship) he was the one to make it official.

20. Who kissed who first?
Our first kiss was an awkward 15 year old affair - i can't remember who made the first move, but he was on his bike outside my house, and he was a little short - so when we kissed it was awesome, then he fell off his bike.

21. Who proposed?
He did. It was great. I giggled like a school girl. We went to a play that night, then afterwards he was going to take me to this swanky restaurant in down town Cowtown, but we walked up to it and i said: "lets not eat here, let's just go to Boston Pizza or something". So after supper we were driving back to our place and he took a detour and drove us up to the top of this hill by our house and parked the car and said: "Do you wanna make out?" i laughed, it was a perfect date. Then he told me he had an early Christmas present for me and handed me a box... sigh.

22. His best features and qualities?
His best features are his eyes, his lips, and his hands and wrists. Mmmm. yeah, something about guitar players. yum.
His best qualities are his honesty, his loyalty, his genuine self. And he has a great laugh. A really excellent great laugh that he doesn't do very often so when he really truly laughs it's a treat for me.

23. Tag you’re it.
I'd like to know the story of Teeni and TGH, if she's up for it!

Delving into the Realm of Too Much Information?

For those of you who've had a baby or have been 'close' to someone who has, you'll know what i'm talking about, for those of you who haven't - this may be new information. And for everyone who gets through this post and thinks: Ew, i wish i hadn't read that - you've been warned. For the rest of you, if you're still with me, let's continue on.

Lets start with basic plumbing.

When the female body gets knocked up, something triggers in the body that says: "Okay, no more periods! Plug up the dam, lets make a baby!"

The funny thing that happens is that when you've had the baby it's like you release nine months (or seven in my case) of backed up periods and you have what the docs and nurses lovingly refer to as "flow".

"How's the Flow dear?"
"I just want to check the Flow"
"And have you noticed any changes to the Flow?"

i capitalized the Flow because at this point people talk about it and ask about it so much that it sort of becomes its own entity. The Flow.

So, as your Uterus spends the next 3-4 weeks kicking out any stragglers from the Pregnancy Party, and as you've just stretched the HELL out of that whole area - a tampon, or ANY phallic object for that matter is definately not welcome anywhere within a 3' radius of my Vertical Smile. So. We are fast tracked back to grade seven... and we're left with... the dreaded Pads.

The hospital had what are called "Maternity Pads" which are about a foot long and 2" thick and feel like someone stuffed a Hoagie Sandwhich between my legs. (Not that i've ever had a hoagie between my legs...or have i?!??) As soon as we were discharged from the hospital i got rid of those right away and moved to the slimmer winged version of my youth.

I have a question....

Who the FUCK invented SCENTED maxi pads?? AND, who was the brainiac that decided that the perfect scent for a maxi pad is Multipurpose Household cleaner? And why do they call that scent: "Fresh"?

According to their website:

It's lightly infused with a clean, fresh scent to help you feel clean and fresh while you're on your period.

Personally, i can think of a million smells that are 'fresher' than bodily fluids and multipurpose household cleaner. And for the record, y'know what makes me feel clean while on my period??? not a fucking pad.

Okay, now... at this stage you may be asking yourself why i would have purchased said product in the first place.
In my defense, i was a weak, delirious, and half asleep post-partum mess when i waddled down the feminine product aisle. And probably should have been reading things a bit clearer. In truth, it took me a day or two to realize that that smell i'd been smelling was coming from me.

But the question still remains - why does this product even exist?
i'd bet you dollars to donuts it was invented by a man.

FREEDOM!!

B-rad, Chewie and I just pulled the greatest baby escape of all time!

Woot!!

Confession

I just wanted to say that

I love the daytime greeter at WalMart. He's always sooo cheerful. He makes me smile.

yes, i admit - i shop at WalMart....oh the shame.

Music Video

So much truth and wisdom in these words....

PS - i'm still alive and well. ;)

ohhh lordy, there are 230 unread items in my reader.

update

Okay, i'm slowly putting up the story over at the Little Rock Star blog... so go check it out if you want!

220 - x365 Kozmo MoFo

Your full name is Kozmo Mutha Fucka, but it wouldn't fit on your tag. B-rad and i adopted you shortly after we got married... you were such a tiny ball of fur, but you crawled up into my neck and curled up and purred until i fell in love with you and no other cat would do.

In our house in Cowtown, you used to play hockey with B-rad under the bathroom door. He would push a beer cap under the space under the door with a stick, and you would slam it back under. You would do this for hours if we'd let you.

Several occaisions in your kittenhood you would jump on the back of my leg and climb your way up to perch on my shoulder. It was painful, but pretty effin adorable, so we let it slide.

You were such a playful little cat - you would wrestle with B-rad and attack him from around corners. You love to play with the pull tab from milk jugs, and we often find them in our bed before we go to sleep.

You're an adult cat now, and you are SUCH a pussy. You weren't too sure of what to make of your adopted sister, Cinda Loo, but eventually you got along...until she became an adult. Now you two can't be in the same room without you growling at her, or swiping at her. You are afraid to go outside unless B-rad and i are BOTH outside. and even then, you stick around. You don't go adventuring like Cinda does.

You get on my nerves like crazy. You eat all of your food, then your sisters... then promptly puke it up on the kitchen floor....then cry cuz you're hungry.

When B-rad and i get home from work, the first thing you do is flop down on the kitchen floor - on your back, and look up at us...you are OH SO CUTE in those moments, and we inevitably give in and give you a good rub down.

You're not happy unless you're curled up in either my lap or B-rad's. I've never met a more affectionate cat who simultaneously makes me crazy, and fills me with love.

Since the pregnancy, you have to be somewhere close to my belly... and you try... every so sneakily to creep up my belly to lay on top of it. I have a secret for you buster, you're not that sneaky.

I Love your little face, your little white chin, your big green eyes... the little tuft of white at the end of your tail and how when i hold you up on your hind legs you look like you're wearing tuxedo pijamas, bow tie, spats and all.

just a quick preview

sorry to leave you all hanging for so long....

here's some pics.

Hopefully soon i'll have some time to give you all the whole story.

219 - x365 Mrs. Maas

My favourite moment in your advanced art class was when someone asked you if you had ever done drugs. You looked up from your desk and replied -"i went to Art School in the States in the 60s.... what do you think?" Your claim to fame was when Paul McCartney and John Lennon waved at you from their convertible while visiting your school.

218 - x365 Deanna H

You were one of the survivors.
The accident changed you - as it was bound to do.
But you didn't let it paralyze you, and you made sure to attend the funerals - even if it was from a hospital bed brought in by an ambulance.
Now you are a successful piercer in a great shop in Cowtown. You did my tongue, and my lip....B-rad's eyebrow, and his ears.

my dear sweet internets

This is just a quick note to say that i'm going to be mostly offline for a little while.

B-rad and i delivered a healthy baby boy Saturday afternoon. 2 months early. He's still at the hospital in Intensive Care, but he's strong and was breathing on his own after only 8 hours on a ventilator.

The official stats:
4lbs 11oz
18.5 " long

The labour story is really interesting, but i'll save it for another day.
for now, rest for me.

love
laura

217 - x365 Eric T

What i felt most at your funeral was how lost your older brother looked without you. You weren't always the nicest guy, you liked to party, you could be downright mean... but all of that was washed away when your brother broke down. You were deeply loved.

216 - x365 Paul W

You always smiled, and you were always laughing. Your death was senseless and stupid, a drunk driving accident just a few short weeks after graduation. At your funeral, at the end - they played "Spirit in the Sky". It was perfect.

215 - x365 Shyla M

i can't get over you crashing my wedding reception, which was fine because i was initially happy to see you, but then saying to me in all your bitchy glory: "i'm crashing your wedding". you're the talk of the SmallTown where we grew up... the gossip train is filled with your name... You slept with your boyfriends best friend, so he slept with his best friends girlfriend to retaliate. It's like a soap opera.

214 - x365 Taryn H

you seem like the perfect Mormon house wife. You have huge eyes, like saucers, but they're balanced on your face by your big smile. I love your Southern accent. But i suspect - because you're Mormon - you're most likely Republican, and you probaby voted for Bush. That makes me sad.

213 - x354 Howard H

i can't believe you shaved your mustache.
serioulsy.
i can't believe you did it.
it always seemed such a part of your face.

212 - x365 Glen S

When we came to visit you in California, you bought my love with inexpensive shoes from Payless. I knew you were doing it, but i couldn't pass up those shoes.

211 - x365 Kristy L

Your laugh would travel down the hallways at school. Inside your tiny frame was a crazy bundle of energy that you just had to use, either to turn in circles for no reason, or to walk in and out of a room 4 times before deciding which direction you were heading. I suspect you had a touch of OCD.

Proud to Be Canadian

Happy Birthday Canada.... The radio tells me you're 141 years old young today, and you are lookin' good!

For my friends who don't hail from my Home and Native Land, today is Canada Day. It is the day we take off in July to celebrate being Canucks, and we celebrate it by drinking beer and having fireworks - much like you're Independence Day in the States, except we're not really celebrating our independence, cuz uhm, i think we're still considered part of the British Empire? Maybe? i dunno. The point is - free day off and lots of parties.

So anyway, here are some of the things i love about being Canadian...

in no particular order:

1.) The legal age in Canada is 19 (in some provinces, it's 18!) There's nothing like going to the next province over for your Grade 12 Band Trip and legally drinking in the restaurants... and legally purchasing booze for the hotel party. yeah.

2.) French accents. Yeah. Hawt. Quebec, i love it.... it's like the angsty older teenage sibling of provinces... y'know, it's had some life experineces - it's chic and european, but it's still living at home and even though all the other younger provinces look up to it, we're all kind of annoyed with each other... like, it went to boarding school in France and insists on speaking French at the dinner table

3.) Jean Chretien - former Prime Minister of Canada with a great sense of humour, really entertaining...i admit that i really don't know/care much about his politics, but damn if he isn't funny to watch and listen to...


4.) Which brings me to Canadian Politics in general. Not that i'm a follower, cuz i'm not. But for a while there - for a good long stint, our politicians would regularly appear on Comedy shows like "This Hour has 22 Minutes" (as featured in the above clip). But now, our super lame Prime Minister Boring McHarper has put an end to that. bleh. He has bad hair too. Our politicians USED to have a pretty good sense of humour and were able to laugh at themselves. I don't think Stephen McBlah has any kind of humour or emotions - but then i also think he's a robot that is being controlled by his bad hair, or Washington. Whatev.

5.) French Fries smothered in Gravy and Cheese Curds... otherwise known as "Nectar of the Gods" or Poutine. If you're a regular reader here, or know me in real life, you already know how i feel about the stuff. Yes, it IS a heart attack on a plate, but so damn tasty....

After this photo shoot - i'm totally going to eat this kitten

6.) Uhm....HELLO!? The Canadian National Animal is the Beaver. The Noble Beaver. heh heh heh... which leads to all kinds of fun T-shirts and bumper stickers.... And this is the one time, dear internets, that i proudly display my Beaver for all to see!!

7.) In the States, you show your patriotism (as i understand it) by saluting the flag, or reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, or joining the Forces. In Canada, you show your patriotism by getting drunk on Canadian Beers and attending Hockey Games. Not saying it's better, just different.

8.) Okay, we're really polite. Almost to a fault. It's true. I mean, in a really crowed space like a concert or a bus... if i bump into someone, most likely they'll turn around and say "Sorry!". Yes, you should be sorry for minding your own business while i clutz around you. But generally, it ends up being "Sorry" in unison as we both beg each other's forgiveness.

9.) Canada has the some of the most beautiful landscapes on Earth.

10.) Canada is really really big.

11.) We have made mistakes in the past with our Indigenous Peoples, but i am proud to say that in spite of the Huge Fuckups of our Historic Governments, the native cultures are still alive and (hopefully) regenerating. I love love love the Totem Poles in Stanley Park in Vancouver - also, at least one of those was carved by my Aunt's Biological Grandfather.

12.) Healthcare. Especially now that i'm about to have a baby, the reading i've done astounds me that any Americans ever have kids... how do you afford it? Sometimes i can barely afford a cup of coffee, let alone the thousands of dollars it requires to start a family. And i know that it's not *free* healthcare, yes, my taxes pay for it and there are problems with the system; for example - the waiting periods for some procedures can be very frustrating, and at times like those you think: "Couldn't i just PAY you and move to the head of the line?", or the shortage of medical staff. But generally, i love the health care system. Thank you Tommy Douglas

13.) Canadian Pot. From Medicinal Mary Jane to Vansterdam. Whether you smoke it, or not, or agree with it, or not, Canada has a 'reputation' for good pot. It boosts tourism, it helps alleviate symptoms of the chronically ill, it's generally a good thing - and the laws surrounding it's possession and distribution are ever evolving, there's even a Marijuana Party (legal political party, not - like a house party or anything). And when you go to Amsterdam and mention that you're Canadian, they immediately get impressed and pull out the *good weed* and go on to explain the virtures of smoking the Bubble Gum vs the Super Skunk............. uhm...not that this happened to me... uh, it happened to a friend of a friend...yeah.... who had to walk home higher than a weather balloon through the red light district to their hostel on the other side of down town, while being tailed by panhandlers who knew they were high. a friend of friend's cousin's step-sister's uncles buddy. yeah.

14.) Gay Marriage. It's legal here. (for now....i'm looking at YOU Stephen McDouchebag) We love the Gays! WOO!!

15.) The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.

16.) Goalie Masks, Ski-Doos, Insulin, Telephone, Wonderbra, Pacemaker, Zipper, Standard Time, Canadarm, Basketball, Pablum, Alkaline Battery, Instant Mashed Potatoes, Walkie-Talkies.... all Canadian Inventions

17.) Corner Gas, Degrassi Street, Jr. High, High, and Next Generation - well, that's about it for really good Canadian TV...

18.) Tuques - pronounced TOOOOK. This is not a "Wool Cap" it's a tuque. Plain and simple. And we wear them because it's cold here - well, in the winter it is. Not today.... Today is supposed to be 30 degrees here! (which is about 86 F i think)

19.) Spelling words like "Colour", "Honour", "Valour" with the letter 'u'...







20.) In the words of The Arrogant Worms:

Our fair country, Canada, is north of USA.
Our Maritimes are lovely and our prairies give us hay.
You might think you Yankees are better than us Canucks.
Well, we don't need no microchips inside our hockey pucks.

We know that you've got Disney World,
and you keep it very clean.
We don't have Bob Dole,
but we can drink when we're nineteen.
We may watch your TV shows for hours and hours and hours.
We'll give you Alan Thicke, but Shania Twain is ours.

Chorus:
We're proud to be Canadian.
We're awfully nice to strangers, our manners be our curse.
It's cool in many ways to be Canadian.
We won't say that we're better, it's just that we're less worse.

Your beer's not too tasty and your weather can't be beat.
We all fly south in the winter time to escape the snow and sleet.
We're pleased to say that we've enjoyed all your southern charms.
But we get sunburnt when we exercise the right to bare our arms.

(Chorus)

Alanis Morrisette she is our latest pride and joy.(ohh)
She used to sing about high school dances and chasing after boys.(yeah)
But now she is fed up(fed up) and about as angry as can be.
She's got one hand in her pocket, and the other's on guard for thee.

We're proud to be Canadian.(Proud to be Canadian)
We're awfully nice to strangers, our manners be our curse.
(we're just to darn nice)
It's cool in many ways to be Canadian.(I like to be Canadian)
We won't say that we're better, it's just that we're less worse.

We're proud to be Canadian.(proud to be Canadian)
We're awfully nice to strangers, our manners be our curse.
(Can I get the door for you ma'am?)
It's cool in many ways to be Canadian.(it's cool cause it's cold up here)
We won't say that we're better,(ooh) it's just that we're less worse.

Beers are not enough 

What about you? what do you love about my Home and Native Land?