Saturday, May 31, 2008

Ask The Diva - Volume 2

Alright, it's been a busy month, and i'm finally ready to answer your questions.... in the May instalment of "Ask the Diva" Woo!!

To read Volume 1's Q&A's go here

First up - a question from Mika:

Your baby goes up and his/her fondest desire is to be a gangsta rapper. Discuss.

Well, this is really an easy answer. Chewie would become the black sheep, naturally. The only thing worse than this would be if he/she told me that his/her fondest desires were to be a Country Music Star. That would be grounds for immediate disowning.

Teeni over at the Vaguetarian Tea Room asks:

What are you most concerned about, just at this moment, regarding your new baby situation?

I am concerned that my child will grow up and want to be a Country Music Star. :D but truthfully, i have some realy concerns and fears about labour that you can read about here.

Honeywine wants to know:

What makes pee yellow?

Well, the simple answer is Magic. But the more scientific answer is: Nitrogen compounds that the body has finished with are taken out of the bloodstream by the liver and converted to urea a simple chemical containing nitrogen. The kidneys extract the urea and it goes into the urine. Urea is yellow. Case dismissed.

Globus queries:

is life better lived by compromise or by sticking to one's goals?

My honest answer to this question is compromise. Life is filled with them, the need for them, and the harmony brought about by them. I think, while it's important to have goals, there is also the need to accept and adapt and change when it just becomes impossible to achieve those goals. A small compromise may be all that is needed to accomplish something great. Also, if you're not able to bend and be flexible when the winds of change come a-roarin', you risk the chance of snapping.

That's it!! that's all! only 4 people asked the great Diva Guru a question this go 'round. Can you believe it?? Free answers, and only 4 people took me up on it? ah well, there's always the First Friday in June.... ;)

180 - x365 Keeley P

You are a handful and a half of bouncing creative spontaneous energy, and i love you for it. You give me hope that a child can remain child like. You're like a ray of sunshine wrapped in a T-shirt and Pants. :D

Friday, May 30, 2008

Opening up the Fiddle Case - A Guest Post

Hey Folks!!
Well, i'm off for a few days to the big bad world of Cowtown!! B-rad decided that we should probably go now before i get too big to travel...and believe you me, it's getting close! But never fear, my pretties!! my bestest bloggy buddy Savia has graciously donated some of her fabulous writing to keep you entertained!! Isn't she a peach? yeah. She is. Happy reading!!

_________________________________

In December, the lovely Diva wrote me a guest post that snagged a mention on Five Star Friday and also caused some controversy with some of the Internets because of its sexual nature. The controversy was focused on the issue of whether my blog is pornographic or merely risqué.

I found this question intriguing, because over the past year, sex has started seeping into my writing, and yes, at times,
it is a bit risqué. However, you may be interested to know that in the early days of my blog, sex was never mentioned. (You can check the archives if you want, but consider yourself warned: nothing racy going on there.)

The reason it wasn't mentioned is I felt uncomfortable typing anything remotely suggestive on the screen. I've always been a very sexual person, but for many years, I struggled with how to express that side of myself. I felt trapped in the middle of the virgin/whore dichotomy, full of ambivalence about my sexuality. I flipped between wanting to be seen as "the good girl" and acting like "the naughty girl." Somehow, I wanted them both. But how do you walk that line?

My relationship with my sexuality is made even more complicated by the fact that I was
sexually abused at a very young age. Sexual abuse changes who you are. It changes the way you experience your body in every possible way: the way you see yourself in the mirror, the way you feel inside your skin, the way you relate to other people, personally and sexually.

And if that weren't enough, I was also raised by an overprotective religious fundamentalist mother. We never spoke about sex in our home. When my brother and I asked where babies came from, we were given a long talk about the female menstrual cycle and how the sperm and egg came together to make a baby. If we asked how the sperm and egg got together, the lecture was repeated once more with no further details.

To make things even more uncomfortable and unhelpful, from the time I was 10 years old on, every time I left the house, my mother called out, "Keep yourself pure."

Because that shit is not going to fuck you up. At all.

Yeah. Good times.

The message I got from my mother, literally on a daily basis, was sexuality is evil, unless you're married. So, until then, it might as well not exist, unless you want to burn in hell for eternity. Combine that with a lack of sexual education, and you end up with a very confused and anxiety-ridden adolescent gal.

I remember the first time I masturbated. It was completely unintentional, since I had no idea what masturbation was or how my body worked. I was 12 years old and I was having problems falling asleep one night, so I just started touching myself out of boredom. Hmmm...haven't really touched that before. Next thing I knew, there was this explosion of light and my body was convulsing, out of control. I was terrified. Something was horribly wrong with me. Why was my body doing this?

But it felt kinda cool, so I did it again, and again, and again. At 12, I became a compulsive masturbator, taking extra time in the bathroom, sneaking off to my room to "read", and making sure that there was always a blanket on top of me when I was watching TV with my family. (Oh, yeah, I totally did it with other people in the room. That's how hooked I was. They had no clue.)

Sounds like typical pre-teen sexual behaviour, yes? Well, the difference is each time I did it, I felt immense guilt and was convinced that God hated me and I was going straight to hell. Afterward, I would bargain with God, beg forgiveness and promise I would never, ever do it again. Until the next time I felt powerless to resist the urges. Whenever anything bad happened, I was sure God was punishing me for my horrible, horrible sin. This continued throughout my teens.

Some women who were sexually abused and/or raised by religious fundamentalists turn into real rebels. Others withdraw and comply with their parents' religious beliefs. I fell somewhere in the middle. Part of me was afraid - in fact, I went through a phase (years, really) where I saw penises as weapons - and part of me was very sexual and just wanted to cut loose and be free.

I have always felt pulled between those two extremes - fighting against the repression of my childhood and struggling with others' perceptions and judgements when I express myself.

A few years ago, I found this quote in a Katherine Mansfield story that has become a sort of mantra for me: "Why be given a body if you have to keep it shut up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle?"

Now that I'm in my 30s, now that I've found an amazing man that I trust and love, it feels like it's time to open the case and play that fiddle. I don't want to be ashamed anymore. I don't want to be afraid anymore. I just want to be.

And while some people may not be comfortable with it, this is who I am. This is how I write on my blog. I am neither a virgin nor a whore.

I'm just Savia.

179 - x365 S.L.F.

You and i are friends solely because of B-rad. It's not that we don't get along, we do... just fine. But i find our conversations awkward and forced. You are always just a little bit out there, and i'm interested but i struggle to stay on the same playing field. B-rad misses you, every day.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

...Love is All You Need...



I've been loved!!

WOO! Penelope at It's me... Penelope has bestowed upon me the award of cuteness and love. and cute it is. and i feel the love.

For those of you who don't know, Penelope and i found each other through the delightful randomness that was Neil's Great Interview Experiment that took place this January. If you wanna read that, you can check it out here.

and since today is MY Friday - yes, i'll be leaving you all for a few days... but don't worry - there are some good posts lined up in the interim... it's my joy and pleasure to hand this award to 10 lovely bloggers who...are...AWESOME!!!

Paige Stanton - she's like my nagging blogging conscience who emails me when i haven't posted in a while and virtually kicks me in the blogging butt. Also, she's a source of writing inspiration when i'm all bunged up with Writer's Constipationi.

Saviabella - The hottest Italian i've ever met. And my internet lovah... cuz i love her.

Slyde and Earl - really, it's like their a pair... As much as i love reading their blogs - i love reading their comments on other people's blogs (including my own) cuz they're so gay for each other. It's cute. aw.

Fourleaf Clover (aka Darthmommy) - what's not to love about a Stay at home mom who is actively persuing her dream as a comic book artist?? inspiring. That's what that is. Keep it up. We're all rootin for ya!

Elise - She has one of the most interesting and entertaining lives of any blog i've ever read. She's an excellent writer, with a real set of balls!!

Witchypoo - she's fab! She's always quick to offer coding/geek help - cuz i usually have no idea what i'm doing, technically, over here. And she almost ALWAYS responds to each comment i make on her site. She's a peach. And she's predicted what the baby will be... :D Did i mention she's psychic?

Teeni - i love her! i love her blog, i love her comments, i love her emails....

2 Pink Lines, Latte Mommy, and The Cheeseblog - my new mommyblogging crushes

and if Melsie promises to blog again... she can have this oh so special EXTRA ONE TIME OFFER of this award too!!

Happy Friday (suckers!) to y'all!! and don't forget, i love's ya!!

178 - x365 Dr. Walter K

It's clear that the only reason you taught was to continue your own research - your classes single handedly caused over 50% of the students to leave the music program forever. Your undergraduate classes had a ridiculous work load, and you expected our papers to be at a grad student level. It was not unusual to see you in class wearing the suit you wore the day before, with bedhead a mile high from the couch in your office. You smelled a bit like sour milk and moth balls, and it was rumoured that you kept books in your oven at home...not that you ever went there. The secret to passing your classes, i discovered after failing a few, was to become your friend. I would often come to you with my German Lieder to get appropriate German sounding accents, and i would feign interest while you rambled on about Mahler and Wagner and whoever was your composer crush of the day.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Meme. Meme. Meme.

I know it's not actually a friday - i like to do these sort of things on fridays, but i got this in an email from a friend today - rather than just fill it out and send it to her, i figured might as well share it with the blogging world...... and also?....I like memes... so here we go....

1. What time did you get up this morning? Which time? let's see, i got up at around 2:35 to pee, then around 4:20...to pee, then about 5:00 to pee, then finally got out of bed to get ready for work aroudnd 7:15...would have slept in longer, but i had to pee.

2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Harold and Kumar 2, it was comical. Next on the list is Prince Caspian.

4. What is your favorite TV show? i can't pick just one... and i rarely watch TV on TV anymore, it's all seasons on DVD.... currently it's Battlestar Galactica though.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? I have never been much of a breakfast person, but now that i have a small creature leeching off everything i eat, breakfast has become a necessity... lately it's been Raisin Bran, cuz B-rad usually leaves the box out in the morning.

6. What is your middle name? It starts with a "K"

7. What food do you dislike? i dislike fish in all it's forms. And currently i can't stomach curry, which is very sad to me cuz i love it so. Something about my pregnancy... it still SMELLS delicious, but i can't take the taste.

8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? We've been listening to a lot of MUSE lately... but no one particular CD sticks out in my mind

9. What kind of car do you drive? A big silver Chrysler... with room for 3 car seats in the back, so says my SIL

10. What is your favorite sandwich? Club Sandwhiches on Rye

12. Favorite item of clothing? right now...tank tops. i'm hot all the time...

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Somewhere with a nice body of water for swimming. I wouldn't say no to a trip to the Carribean....but talk about HOT!

14. favorite brand of clothing? I do not do brands if i can help it. Screw them, why should i pay to wear their advertising?? Although, it would seem that currently there are five pairs of Addidas shoes in my front entrance...

15. Where would you retire to? Some place warm with no snow.

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? My 20th birthday in Vienna - we went to see Carmen at the Vienna Opera House.

17. Favorite sport to watch? Porn. We've already had this discussion...

18. Furthest place you are sending this? Who knows how far the outreaches of this blog go...

19. Are you a morning person or a night person? i'm a nothing person right now. i'm tired all the time, in the morning, during the day, in the afternoon, in the evening, at bedtime...

20. What is your shoe size? I range between 9 and 10 depending on the shoe. Yup, skis. And apparently, your feet grow a full size when you're pregnant! So maybe by this time next year they'll be size 11!?

21. Pets? 2 cats, who are both currently being assholes.

22. What did you want to be when you were little? I wanted to be a famous singer, and a novelist. Although at the time, i called Novelists "Book Writers".

23. How are you today? Well, actually, my tail bone is really sore today, which makes sitting at this desk a difficult task... so i guess you could say i've been better... but other than that? Peachy.

24. What is your favorite candy? If popsicles are considered candy, then they are.

25. What is your favorite flower? Lilacs. They're all starting to bloom in my backyard!!

26. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? August 28th.

27. What is your full name? I Am The Diva

28. What are you listening to right now? Nothing. My computer speakers aren't working these days... but i've got "Inner City Pressure" by Flight of the Conchords in my head right now...

29. What was the last thing you ate? An apple cinnamon cookie

30. Do you wish on stars? No, but a gaze at them quite often.

31. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Turquoise

32. How is the weather right now? Oh man, it's so nice outside!! Let's all go outside and play!

33. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My mom.

34. Favorite soft drink? Coca-Cola... but i try not to drink it too often

35. Favorite restaurant? My food moods change too often for there to be a favourite in my life right now.

36. Hair color? Brunette baby

37. What was your favorite toy as a child? i was really more of a reader than a toy-player... unless you count the original 8 bit Mario Brothers for Nintendo

38. Summer or winter? summer

39. Hugs or kisses? hugs hugs hugs.

40. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

41. Coffee or tea? Coffee. i can't wait until i can go back to more than one precious cup a day...

42. When was the last time you cried? Last Night.

43. What is under your bed? the floor.

44. What did you do last night? Check it out

45. What are you afraid of? Uhm, see this post... also the day when Canada gets invaded by the States for our Water and other resources...

46. Salty or sweet? Salty snacks usually... but this pregnancy has me craving the sweets.

47. How many keys on your key ring? about 6

48. How many years at your current job? just over the first year mark.

49. Favorite day of the week? Saturday - It's one FULL day with B-rad and you know that there's one more to come before it's back to work

50. Do you make friends easily? Actually no, i'm really quite shy.

177 - x365 Sandi D

You look tired a lot. Like the world has dragged you down and you've given up scratching your way back up. But you always look out for me, and you're the only boss i've ever had that i've been able to be up front about what's bothering me. You've created a safe work environment, and i'm scared that when i come back from Mat leave, you'll be gone.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

176 - x365 Dustin S.

You transfered to our high school when you were 'asked to leave' the Christian school when your girlfriend got pregnant. Somehow we bonded, though we were never super close, we really enjoyed each other's company. You were a coffee and cigarette buddy when Dickface would leave me high and dry... and when he took me to the coffee shop on our one year anniversary to have coffee with his friends - you stood up for me and reminded me that the person i'm with should treat me better, and you said that to me in front of him and his friends. I'll always remember you for that.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Oh...My....God...

Holy Shit!! She Found ME!!!

More as this develops!

175 - x365 Helen S

In the mornings, before you and Carlee both left, i would meet you two for coffee and cigarettes before work. Your bleached blond hair always seemed a bit like a tiger - a little orange with dark roots, and your skin was wrinkled and yellow from years of smoking. I tried never to watch you eat, as you had no back teeth. Your on again off again abusive relationship made me sad. You were so excited when you bought your condo - you said you never thought you'd see the day when you'd actually own your home...., only to sell it and move in with him less than a year later.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

174 - x365 Nouhad H.

You are one of the kindest, sweetest women i have ever known. That place would fall apart if you weren't there. I sincerely hope that someday you will go back to school or find a job where you are appreciated. You assured me that under your Hijab was a full head of thick wavy black hair, and when i'd say i wanted to see it, you'd call your Twin, Nouha, and tell her to come in with your nephews. You and your brother tried to teach me Arabic, i loved the way the worlds tripped and rolled off my tongue.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

173 - x365 Chris B

You and i got along well enough, but i didn't really have anything to do with you. Those that did had lots to say about you, but our relationship was solid. You left your life as a nurse when your husband created the company. You told me once that if you hadn't you would have never seen him. A few years before i started you moved into a condo 2 blocks from work - thinking that being closer to the office would mean you'd see more of your husband, you told me later it backfired and you actually see him less.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Can i Win??

Melinda Zook


I love contests!!
and Melinda at Musings by Melinda is having one right now!! the winner gets loverly face cream to make their faces lovely.

Go over and check it out!! **HEY CANUCKS!! THIS ONE'S OPEN TO CANADIAN RESIDENTS!!** WOO!

The Post in which i say Underpants... a lot....

So, i'm in the washroom at the office this morning for my umpteenth pregnancy pee of the day, when i glance down and notice the tag for my underpants. **

Care instructions:
Wash with like colour
Wash in Cold water
Tumble Dry
Do Not Iron
Do not Iron? Seriously?
So I got to thinking...

Who the hell irons their underpants??
I mean, i have a hard enough time believing that people actually iron things in general, let alone their underpants.
Wait,..... do i even OWN an iron?
yeah, i think i do...
i wonder when the last time i used it was...
Must have gotten it as a wedding gift, can't imagine myself ever intentionally purchasing an iron.
What would i use it for?
Certainly not my underpants... .
....Are there actually people out there ironing their underpants each morning?
Did enough of them ruin their underpants that they contacted the underpants company?
Was there a class action underpants lawsuit?
Maybe they sued for damaged underpants and emotional distress and lateness to work.
Did it settle out of court, or did The People vs The Underpants Company actually go to trial?
....i wonder what would happen if i actually did iron my underpants....
would it turn out like this?!?

Do you iron your underpants? or know somebody who does?? The time to come clean in cold water with like colours is now people!! Tumble dry!! BUT DO NOT IRON!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

**after some discussion with my loverly S.I.L., Melsie, it should be noted that the underpants i'm wearing are sensible-full-bum-cotton-pregnant-lady-underpants. (now awaiting the inevitable comments from Slyde and Earl) and NOT the fancy kind that might melt under an iron.

172 - x365 Dick B

At 74 you should have been well retired...but you built the company from the ground up and it was hard to let go. I was hired because you did the work of the President and my job. You were reluctant to give it up. You terrified me, you were a southern man with a Jimmy Stewart like demeanor and appearance - you had a way of making me feel small and insignificant without really trying. It was months before you actually trusted me to do my job - then as my department grew, i was the only one you'd trust with your projects. You didn't like it, at first, when i stood up for myself... but i'm pretty sure you were impressed that i did. No one else in that office did. The difference was - to me it was just a job. To everyone else, it was their lives. Near the end of my time there, i could see you were losing it a bit... your Parkinsons shakes were getting harder to hide. It wouldn't surprise me if you died in your office. That's sad.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

My Grandma's Faith

Yesterday i received a birthday card from my Grandma. It was sweet. She apologized for the lateness of the card, and then went on to tell me how excited she is that i'm about to be a mother.

She wrote about the day my mother was born - how she had been reading the scriptures every day and how when she went into labour she knew she was not alone, that someone from beyond our world was there with her, and she felt calm.

She also said she hoped we would take our baby to church and teach him/her to love the Saviour.

I haven't been to church on a regular basis in almost 10 years. This is something that my parents have accepted, and they love me anyway. My dad is a Mormon Bishop, and he is remarkably cool about the fact that Church is not for me. He told me one day that he had no doubt in his mind that i was a Spiritual Being, and as long as i believed in something it was good enough for him.

My Grandma is another case all together. My mom's mom. She is a very sweet lady, and i love her. But every time i see her, or talk to her on the phone, or recieve a letter or card from her - it's always the same thing: "I sure do wish you would go to church" or "It would be nice if you took your husband to church and shared the Gospel with him" or "The Saviour loves you" etc etc etc., and frankly it's put a huge strain on our relationship.

It's at the point where i don't want to spend any time with her because i don't want to have the same conversation over and over again where i say: "No thank you" and then awkwardly try to change the subject.

It makes me very sad, because i know that she won't be around forever, and i should enjoy and want to spend time with her. But this is the woman who married her Morman Man, had 6 kids, and when he died about 25 years ago, she never remarried. She dated, but never anything too TOO serious. "This woman has not been laid on over 25 years" - as my dear Auntie put it one day. She is devout. She reads her scriptures and attends all her meetings and when she 'retired' she went on a Mission to Russia for 2 years to spread the 'good word'. I know that she's only doing what she thinks is the right thing to do, and i know that she does love me... but it's getting to the zero tolerance point.

so yesterday, i did something difficult.

I sent my Grandma a letter thanking her for my birthday card, and wishing her a happy mother's day. I sent along a photo of myself 5 months pregnant, and said thanks for sharing her story of my mom's birth.

The hard part was when i told her that, no, B-rad and i would not be taking our children to church. That i've grown up in the church, i know what it's all about - and i've decided it's not for me. I told her I appreciated her Faith, and respected it, but that i felt it was causing a strain on our relationship - which i found painful. I asked her to respect my decision, and to kindly let it alone. And that i loved her very much.

I mailed it yesterday afternoon.

I told B-rad my heart was breaking just a little bit, because i know that hers is too.

171 - x365 Alex B

2 years older than your brother, you were the quiet and clever one. You were more interested in science and math than painting and playing, but you still hung around. And i don't blame you. An office full of adults is no place to hang out every day and every weekend - all because your father didn't "believe" in childcare. You constantly surprised me with how smart you are, and unlike your little brother, you had a very soft spoken tender side which you hid from your dad because boys are supposed to be MANLY and STRONG. don't turn into your dad.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Kitty Cat



No matter what kind of pissy emotional mood i'm in, this video always cheers me up. It's nice for days like today.

And Puss in Boots is always good for a quick smile.

170 - x365 Matthew B

You were the ray of sunshine in my dismal day-to-day life, and each day i would spend the time between 7:00 am and 8:30 am making crafts, drawing pictures, playing games...whatever your seven year old self wanted to do. When your dad would come into my work space and ask why a project had not finished or started, i would tell him i was busy finger painting with you and he would walk away. You saved my life in that office. I'm so sorry that i left without saying goodbye. I wonder if you remember me, and what kind of a man you'll become.

169 - x365 Barb B

Your problem was you 'wanted to be friends' with your staff, but only when it suited you. You had a terrible mean streak - and you would do awful spiteful things to people for no other reason. You forced a wonderful girl to quit because she was cute and funny, and your husband liked her work. When i told you my husband had been offered a job and we were moving home, i gave you six weeks notice so i could adequately train someone to fill my position. You took it as a personal attack that i would ever leave, you made life hell for those last few weeks, and in the end you 'decided' to with hold my Christmas bonus saying it was more "Incentive for next year" rather than "reflection of your work this past year". I had one week left of work, and i walked out and never looked back.

168 - x365 Russ B

When your dad died, you left work an hour early. And on the day of the funeral, you came in at six and worked until ten - left - and were back at your desk by 12:30. I felt really sorry for your mother. You say you work so hard so you can retire early and spend time with your sons. They're already distanced from you - and you won't know them. There's more to life... and i hope your boys spend more time at your funeral than you did at your own father's.

167 - x365 Saviabella

This weekend i was listening to the Playboy radio station on Satellite radio, and B-rad and i both decided that the D.J. sounded just like you. Talked like you, same mannerisms as you... yeah, it was probably you.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Catch-up in Bullet Form

A few things:

- last week was my 28th birthday, and B-rad planned a little party at East Side Mario's... where i ate way too much, and had a wonderful time - even if i couldn't drink the wine. Go Here for Paige's restaurant Review.

- i've realized that there's nothing like a balloon sculpture to make you feel about 7 years old again!
it's supposed to be a 'candle' people....

-
The next day i was 'ambushed by my sister in law and my friend Kate, a mini-surprise birthday with pizza and pop and cake and a girly movie about a girl who wore Too Many Bridesmaid's Dresses. A solid sugary predictable piece of filmery that was exactly what was called for. B-rad made himself scarce for the chickflick and installed out deck lights.

- I spent Wednesday of that week at my mom and dad's eating yet again. Another Birthday Celebration - a girl could get used to this, especially a pregnant one.

- my friend J and i attended our first pre-natal aquafit class

- Friday night some friends of ours arrived for the long weekend and we went out to Wanuskewin on Saturday and saw some Hoop Dancing, B-rad participated and learned how to make an Eagle out of hoops.

- i discovered that i'm still capable of hiking, somewhat, but am NOT capable of removing my own ticks.... Thankfully our friend was from the actual outback and knew what to do. He got that sucker off my leg in 2 seconds flat. Amazingly i was able to remain calm, as my first instinct was to freak out and scratch that fucker right off,....then somewhere in the back of my brain i remembered that that's a very bad idea, that they have to be 'removed'.... and to think, if i hadn't gone in to change into longer pants....who knows what would have happened!


- i hate ticks

- Nothing is open on Sunday's on the long weekend in my town... but we did manage to visit "THE" fleamarket... it was like everyone's garage sales under one roof!

- The farmer's market has the nicest Indian man who sold us Samosas and chutney. mm.

- Hot Dogs taste best when roasted over an open flame.

- Tempera paints are fun to play with, but when you're entire belly is covered with them ...it can itch quite a bit.

- Look Around You may be the best show on Youtube...

- WTF?? just when i thought that my girlfriend Scarlette Joho was practically perfect in every way, i discovered that....uhm... she released an album??? oh Scarlette.... you've disappointed me so...


How very Sinead O'Connor of you.... sad. Please, for all our sakes, just keep to acting and looking gorgeous all the time, and leave the vocal career for those who believe a song should be more than monotone chanting....

- migraines suck. Doubly so when you're knocked up.

Friday, May 16, 2008

a meme, cuz it's friday

Such a crazy hectic week, both in my personal life and work... and there are about 6 or 7 posts sitting in the back of my brain, waiting for the time to flesh them out... but until then, this is a Meme i stole from the loverly Red.

1. Last movie you saw in a theater? I'm pretty sure it was the new Harold and Kumar movie. It was pretty HIGH-larious, but probably would have been moreso had i actually been high. lol

2. What book are you reading? Dress your Family in Corduroy and Denim - by David Sedaris

3. Favorite board game? Uhm, i'd have to say it's probably Cranium.

4. Favorite magazine? I'm not much of a magazine reader... but probably Penthouse Variations... ;)

5. Favorite smells? Rain, Freshly Cut Grass, Fresh Coffee

6. Favorite sounds? Purring, and love noises. YEOW!!

7. Worst feeling in the world? grief

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up? Can i get dressed and make it to work in ten minutes??

9. Favorite fast food place? McDonalds. i know, i feel shame. But i love their French Fries!!

10. Future child’s name? It’s a secret.

11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….? never work again and spend my days reading, writing my someday novel, painting, singing.... anything that's not work related. Travel.

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? There's no room in the bed, there's barely room for me, B-rad, and my pregnancy body pillow... sometimes a cat or two find a spot on the bed.

13. Storms - cool or scary? Rain storms are COOL... Snow storms are NOT!

14. Favorite juice? Veggie+Plus Strawberry Banana Juice.

15. Finish this statement, “If I had the spare time I would….”? travel

16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli? mostly.

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice? i always wanted to dye my hair blue or purple... but never did.

18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in? Too many, just trust me that i moved around a lot.

19. Favorite sports to watch? Is p0rn a sport?

20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you? I stoled this from Red, but she's wicked cool and sexy sexy sexy pants.

21. What’s under your bed? The floor.

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again? i'd like to try something new... not that i don't love me.

23. Morning person, or night owl? Even before pregnancy i was ready for bed by about 10:30. I suppose that makes me a morning person, but i'd rather sleep in until 10...so...an afternoon person?

24. Over easy, or sunny side up? Over Medium-Almost-Hard. i hate it when the yolks are all runny

25. Favorite place to relax? My backyard

26. Favorite pie? i'm not really a fan of pie, but i'll make an exception for Pumpkin...

27. Favorite ice cream flavor? Regular old boring chocolate.

28. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first? I'm not going to tag this go-round... but if you wanna steal it, please do

166 - x365 Roger M

I hated working in that small office with you. Some cultral differences made us natural enemies. Your wife was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly before i moved away, i felt badly for you and your 2 girls. But when i came home to visit, i found that 3 months after your wife's funeral you had already gone back to the Phillipines and found a new woman to marry. When i saw you this February, she was pregnant with your baby.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

165 - x365 Stella S

You knew me as the 19 year old summer student, and even when i came back to work for you 8 years later, you treated me like the summer student still. You are an odd duck, you. Your life's ambition is to be Carrie Bradshaw and end up marrying Big.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

164 - x365 Kathy A

in many ways you are my lifeline to sanity on days when i want to pull my hair out. your creativity inspires me.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

163 - x365 Tracy K

When i thought i had left the cliques of High School behind us, you showed me that even in University you can still feel on the outside looking in. Your charisma attracted people to you, the people i wanted to hang around. You made me simultaneously excited and depressed.

Monday, May 12, 2008

162 - x365 Mark O

awkward yet confident. You walked in with a 'flock of seagulls-esque' hair cut - and even though we hadn't seen each other in over 4 years, you wouldn't make eye contact the entire time we chatted.

My B-b-b-Birthday

Today marks my 28th year on this planet.

Woo! Happy birthday to me!
Here are 28 birthday facts about me:
  • 1.) May 12th is the 132 day of the year.
  • 2.) i was born on a Monday - Monday's Child is Fair of Face
  • 3.) i was born at about 8:45 pm
  • 4.) i was a week early
  • 5.) i am a Taurus with a Capricorn Rising sign
  • 6.) because my mom had such a long labour in the hospital with my older brother, she stayed home a lot longer before going in - and i was born almost as soon as they got there
  • 7. ) i was born 6 days before Mount St. Helens errupted. Even way up north in Alberta, my mom says she remembers hanging out my baby clothes and diapers to dry on the line, and bringing them in all black from the soot that had carried way up into Canada.
  • 8.) When i was little my mom used to bake me "barbie" cakes, and she'd put one of my barbies in an angel food cake and decorate it like a big beatiful dress
  • 9.) I always thought being born in 1980 was so cool because it would be easy to tell how old i was by the year it was... if it was 1988 i was 8, if it was 1996 i was 16... if it was 2008 i was 28. I remember figuring that out and thinking i was sooo smart...i was probably 6 or 7
  • 10.) My first co-ed birthday party that involved "boys that i liked" was in 1990 and we all piled into our old Chevy van and we went to see The Little Mermaid at the Drive In Theatre. Jason D was my *boyfriend* and we sat next to each other
  • 11.) On my 13th birthday in 1993 - my grade 7 class was playing soft ball for phys ed, last period, and i was playing shortstop. I ended up catching a pop fly with my face - which resulted in a broken nose, and a lot of blood.
  • 12.) i remember being simultaneously mortified and ecstatic that the super cute boy i'd been crushing on was playing 3rd base and was the first one there to see if i was okay, i wasn't - there was a river of blood gushing from my nose and spraying up on my shoes - i desperately afraid that some of my blood would get on HIS shoes.
  • 13.) The day before my 14th birthday, something very special was taken from me.
  • 14.) On my 15th birthday, i was the new-girl in school and for my birthday party we watched some movie, i think it was "Stargate", i can't really remember - B-rad and i spent the majority of it making out.
  • 15.) At some point in my high school career, i had a big birthday party, and we spent the night around the firepit on our deck. It was a riot, especially when someone threw in a margarine container filled with motor oil. FOOM!
  • 16.) When i was dating Dickface, he bought me an oversized stuffed dog for my birthday - i hated it... i didn't even really like dogs. For years it ended up being used much like a bean bag chair in my family's basement.
  • 17.) I remember one year, Paige invited me over after school one day. (i can't remember, was that 10th grade?!?) and on the school bus to her farm. She rode the bus with our friend T, who was having our friend L over that same day. The four of us chatted all the way to Paige's bus stop, and we got off the bus... i didn't even realize until T and L hopped off the bus and yelled surprise that i had totally been had. It was a super fun party - i've never had a surprise party before. It was a totally fun girly night! (THANKS AGAIN PAIGE!!)
  • 18.) I spent my 19th birthday - the age of legal drinking in The Skatch - drunk off wine that my Auntie had sent home with me after visiting her in Vancouver. I spent the day after my 19th birthday experiencing the joys of a Red Wine hangover.
  • 19.) My 20th birthday was extremely memorable for me. B-rad and i were back packing in Europe and were in Vienna for a few days, scheduled to take the train to Amsterdam on my birthday. While we were site-seeing we decided to take in an Opera at the Vienna Operahouse to see Ben Hepner, a boy from The Skatch. While we were in line to get tickets, we saw that Carmen was playing in 2 days! So, we extended our stay in Vienna and i got to see Carmen, in the Vienna Opera House on my 20th birthday. It was beautiful warm weather, and as we walked home from the opera we stopped for Gelato and shared a sub from Subway. perfection.
  • 20.) I share my birthday with Jason Biggs (The pie Fucker), Kim Fields (Tootie from the Facts of Life), Stephen Baldwin (one of those Baldwins that isn't Alec), Tony Hawk (Skateboarder Extraordinaire), Emilio Estevez (EMILIO!!!), Vign Rhames (that dude with the bandaid on the back of his head from Pulp Fiction), George Carlin (hilarious Standup, and also Rufus from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure), Burt Bacharach (what the world needs now...), Yogi Berra (The ball player, not the loveable grizzily bear), Katherine Hepburn (Classy dame), Florence Nightingale (Educating Nurses), Gabriel Faure (French Composer), Farley Mowat (Canadian Writer), and Paul D'Amour (the original bass player for TOOL)
  • 21.) I always sing Cartmen's Birthday song to myself on my birthday.... (My B-b-b-biiirthday)
  • 22.) Many times in my childhood, i've had to share Mother's day with my birthday. It only just dawned on my yesterday that for the REST of my life, Mother's Day and my birthday will be rolled into one gift or card. Sigh.
  • 23.) as of today i am 10,226 days old.
  • 24.) 28 years can be converted into: 883,699,200 seconds, or 14,728,320 minutes, or 245,472 hours, or roughly 1461 weeks.
  • 25.) i will be 1,000,000,o00 seconds old on Thursday, January 19th - 2012 at 10:31:40 pm (give or take)
  • 26.) last year for my birthday - i hosted a "Dress as a Movie Character" birthday party - i went as Ted from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, and B-rad was Lil' Alex from A Clockwork Orange
  • 27.) for the past 4 or 5 years my mother has given me a Harry Potter book for my birthday. Now that the series is over, she wants to know what i want...
  • 28.) i don't know what i want for my birthday.... i just like to be surprised.
There you have it... and now i will spend the rest of the day stuck in boring meetings. Boo.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

161 - x365 B.J. D

You ended up being the Tenor to my Soprano in Music Theatre every year - and we ended up working at the same office over the summer. We bonded, and you cracked me up... one time i brought you a bagel that had been contaminated by sesame seeds - i forgot you were allergic, and when you swelled up like a balloon i felt awful for days. You were very forgiving, though.

160 - x365 Chris H

You were my friends' roommate while in college, and i only met you a few times. You seemed to be one of those guys that anyone could be friends with, and everyone was. You made me laugh, and when we walked down the aisle together for their wedding, we considered tying our hands and feet together and doing cartwheels. you were cool like that. Canada misses you.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

159 - x365 Tomas T

A friend of a friend, we got along just fine. Never what you'd call 'close', but we had our moments. I got high in your cabin's loft and your cat peed on my sweater. i wore it for 2 hours before i realized.

Friday, May 09, 2008

158 - x365 Laurie B

I was 12 and listening to The Phantom of the Opera in the living room, and you were waiting for my mom in the kitchen. At the end of the song "Phantom of the Opera" where Christine sings that super high note, you looked over at me and sneered: "I bet you wish you could sing that high" my reply? "i can!". You're the type of person who doesn't believe in anyone.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Drop Dead Fred

More posts over at Little Rock Star!!!

My birthday is coming up soon. Monday, in fact. I'm pretty low-key this year, none of the crazy dress up parties this year. I doubt we'll do anything at all, actually. (blatant self birthday promoting)

Anyway, i've been reading Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris lately and i got myself wondering if there was any stories that were noteworthy in my family history. it only took me a few moments to list off a handful of anecdotes - but i realized, it's really all in the telling! Not many of the essays in Sedaris' book are necessarily GREAT STORIES, but the story telling is fantastic!

i'm gonna try my hand at it, so here's the "Goose" story - keep in mind...i'm no David Sedaris.

Before moving to The Skatch, we lived on a small hobby farm in South Eastern B.C., it was beautiful - we were nestled into the valley and had amazing views at all sides.

On our 7.2 acre farm, we had a cow named Chelsea who periodically gave birth to our hamburgers and steaks - about a hundred Chickens, 2 pigs, from time to time a sheep or two, and at one point - a Goose we named DropDead Fred.

Drop Dead Fred came to us from i don't know where when i was about 12 or 13. It seems to me that he was payment for some meat cutting that my dad did for a friend - but i can't be 100%. He arrived on our doorstep squaking in a burlap sack, and once he was freed and shown where the food and water was, he quickly made it known to the other animals that this was HIS farm and he wasn't about to take no shit from nobody. In fact, to proove he was serious, he left HIS shit all over the yard - the garden, the barn, the doorstep.

Fred was not a gosling. Fred was a fool grown adult male goose with territory issues. Where we lived, the house was halfway down the 7 acre lot - and for some reason or another, the long driveway to our house was actually considered a city road! We lived at the end of 32nd Street. Why there was a city street out in the middle of nowhere, i'm not sure. But it did mean that every year it was plowed in the winter, and the grass was cut on either side in the summer.

Fred didn't like visitors. As far as we could tell, he didn't really like us either, but he tolerated us because we fed him. It didn't take long before we realized that we had our very own Guard Goose, and when any vehicles would turn onto 32nd street and start the 3 acre drive to the house, Fred let us all know. He even went so far as to puff out his chest and flap his wings at the oncoming vehicles... and when they'd slow down, he'd attack - hammering his hard beak on bumpers, doors, headlights, whatever he could reach.

several times our visitors would be stuck inside their cars while Fred attacked the car doors without mercy! We would run out of the house and throw plums at Fred to get him away, or we'd turn the hose on him which would eventually work and he would waddle back to the barn squaking and honking in a very indignant manner.

Needless to say, we stopped getting a lot of 'drop in' callers.

In many ways, we got a kick out of Fred. He seemed like a lot more bark than bite, after all, he was a great guard goose, and sometimes even acted as border collie. When our cows would get out in the middle of the night, dad would wake us all up to help herd them back into the corall. After watching us, Fred soon jumped in and would flap his wings and honk loudly at the cows if they dodged out of the path we were making - and eventually, with Fred's help, we'd get them back where they were supposed to be.

After a nice long summer, a summer of Fred, he took his territorial issues a step too far. My mom's friend was stopping by for lunch one saturday afternoon with her youngest son, Christoper - who was 3. Mom stood at the steps as they drove up, not a Fred in sight.

"It's okay," she called out "I think he's out in the pasture!"

Laurie stepped out of the car and walked around to the back seat to let Christopher out, and started chatting away with my mom while Christopher toddled up the incline to the house.

Suddenly, in a whirl of feathers and wings, Fred was around the car and had Christopher on the ground. There was an incredible commotion of screams from both moms and cries from Christopher and the honks and squaks from Fred - he was attacking without mercy.

Suddenly, Drop Dead Fred, the goose who could not fly - was sailing through the air... he landed and wobbled around in a daze. My mother had hit his with a baseball bat. In the end, Christopher escaped with only a few scratches and permanent psychological damage, lol.

It had been decided. It was time for Drop Dead Fred to, in fact, drop dead.

Dad took went out back that night and ended Fred's reign of Poultry Terror. He was plucked and cleaned and thrown in the fridge for Sunday supper.

Sunday, mom seasoned Fred and put him in a roaster in the oven - and we all left for church.
When we got home, we were greeted to the smell of...burning goose?? Mom ran to the kitchen and opened the oven to find that Fred had burned to a total and complete crisp.

He was thrown out, completely inedible. Mom threw something together to feed us, and it seemed Fred had gotten the last laugh.

157 - x365 Carrie W

In grade 5 i found you from the back of my library book. There was a series of books called "Penpals" and at the back was a form where you could send away for your very OWN penpal. I sent away for you, and i was thrilled to see you were from Australia! We remained penpals until you moved away for college and i lost you. i still search for you online from time to time.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

You Tell 'em Steve-Dave

humorous pictures
more cat pictures

156 - x365 Sarah W

in grade 8, before i moved away, you and i had a notebook that we used to write letters to each other. We would hand it off during the breaks and write long rambly nonsense epistles to each other during class. You inspired my creative side and kept me babbling all day long. You, in many ways, are the inspiration for my blogging.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

155 - x365 Brandi "With an I"

When i was six you used to babysit us, and i thought you were the bees knees. You were, in my mind, the pinnacle of 80s fashion, with your big brown hair and your rolled up sweat pants and multi-coloured socks. You never told on me when i found the PlayBoy in the gully on the way home from school - but you did take it away. It was the first time i'd ever seen a woman fully naked.

Monday, May 05, 2008

154 - x365 Crystal

I fell in love with you, your long blond hair, your big blue eyes. I was five and you were six. We played in my cardboard fort in our townhouse basement. In the confines of our corrugated home, we played house - and i played your husband. You insisted that we had to kiss a lot because we were married, you made my heart pound and i didn't know why. I still remember the taste of your Bonnebelle lipgloss. Your mouth was soft and wet, and your tongue was sweet like bubble gum. When you and your family moved away, my heart was broken.

Sunday, May 04, 2008

153 - x365 Jonelle G

You lived in a trailer on your family's farm. It was fourth grade and you were the most bad-ass girl i knew. When i stayed the night your parents would leave your older sister in charge. You both smuggled cigarettes out of your mom's purse and late at night you would smoke, and i would try - but end up coughing too much. One stormy night you pulled out the Oujia Board and called me a wimp for not wanting to play. Between the cigarettes, the sips of gin from the bottle in the cupboard, and the Oujia Board, my little Mormon self was sure we were going to hell. You and your sister scared me and i stopped coming over.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

152 - x365 Ariel S

When we moved to The Skatch 15 years ago, my brothers and i stuck together - in school, in church, we were the only people we knew. My older brother, Brent, was much better at making friends - especially with the girls. You were a member of the other ward at church, and your church meetings started in the mornings, ours were in the afternoons. There was an hour overlap when both congregations were in the building at the same time. You and Brent flirted, and you never missed an opportunity to flash me dirty looks and to whisper to your friends as i walked by and giggle. You liked Brent, and you were jealous that we were close. It wasn't until months later that you found out that Brent was my brother, i hope you felt like a fool.

Friday, May 02, 2008

a few things

only one more day to get your Mixed Tape Request email in to me people!! :D

Also, it's the first friday of the month, so here we are for volume 2 of "Ask the Diva" where you ask the question and i answer it to the best of my brilliant ability (click here for Volume 1's Q&As).

To play along, you need only ask your question in the comments. Easy as that!
Ask away folks!!

151 - x365 Jenna

when we were six i told you when i grew up i wanted to be a stripper cuz they got to take their clothes off all the time. i had no idea about the sexual connotations behind that career, it was said in innocence. But your mom overheard and sent me straight home. Our friendship was never the same, you mother was constantly listening in to hear the other ways i would corrupt you.

Winner!!

hey, remember when i was all like: "Hi Kathy!!"

well, here's the scoop - i was wearing my ever so stylish "I am the Diva" t shirt, and a co-worker of mine stopped by the blog homestead to check it out... hence the 'hello'.

That was on Wednesday....
Yesterday we were in an all day meeting in the board room... and my phone at the front desk rang. Usually when i'm in meetings, i'll just let all the calls go to Voicemail. So i ignored the call. But then one of the people at the meeting had to use the washroom - and my phone rang again, so i ran out to get it.

I answered the phone and the voice on the other line asked for Kathy. i said she was in meetings all day and couldn't take her call... and the woman on the other line insisted. she said: "It's really really important that i speak to her right away."
so i asked who was calling, and she told me her name - adding: "Tell her its regarding the Hospital Home Lottery."

Now, every year in my city there is a Home Lottery where you can buy a ticket for $100 and be entered in the draw to win a showhome, and many many other fabulous prizes...

so, i ran to the board room and told Kathy she had a very urgent call.

"Is it my kids?" she asked me, slightly concerned.
"No," I said, "it's someone calling from the Hospital Home Lottery"

the next 5 minutes or so, Kathy was in shock as she spoked to the person on the other line. not wanting to get TOO excited, but wanting to believe the best....

the meeting was on hold as we all watched from the hallway as Kathy said: "yes......yes.....uh huh... ....Yes!....." finally she excitedly whispered to me:
"We won the house!!"

And there was much rejoicing!! She worked out the rest of the details with the woman on the phone while the rest of us hoorahed and babbled excitedly. It was such a great feeling, it almost felt that we had all won in some way - by being in the same room with her when she received the news!

When she was off the phone, she told us that her and her family had won the Grand Prize Showcase!!!. The house is beautiful, completely furnished, and it's all theirs, along with a 2008 Cadillac CTS, and 10G!!

She was in shock - and rightly so.

She's been talking about this home lottery since they bought their ticket... and i'm sooo happy for her and her family!

Honestly, it couldn't have happened to a nicer person on this planet.

Hooray for Kathy!! WOO!!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

150 - x365 Bronwyn

Your older sister was way cooler than you, but didn't want to play with me because she was older than me too. you were a year younger - and bossy - and always told me how to play with the Barbies. I didn't like going to your house because your mother wouldn't let me leave the table from lunch until i had finished the glass of milk she had poured for me. I didn't know at the time that i was lactose intolerant, just that milk was gross and made me feel yukky, your mom made me cry.
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