I was so overwhelmed with the comments and the love that i got from everyone about my last podcast... you're all so sweet. you sure know how to make a gal feel loved. So, to thank you all for that, here's another one for your listening pleasure*
*again, you don't have to download it, you can just stream it if you want. :D
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
oh internets... you're my best friend...
31/31 - x365 Ardath M.
i can only imagine what it must have been like for you to be an unwed mother in a small Mormish Town in 1955. I always compared you to my other grandmother, while she was all full of hugs and kisses and 'i love yous', you were standoffish and closed. You bonded through crafts. As an adult, our relationship changed, and i'm pretty sure i'm your favourite grandkid. I sometimes wonder, though, if your bonding with me is because you didn't know how to bond with dad, and maybe somehow that makes up for it. When i found out you had breast cancer, i didn't know how to act. I hardly saw you or talked to you - but living in Cowtown, only a few hours away, i was able to visit more often. I remember sitting on your couch and you telling me the road to your diagnosis, and that you were afraid. I had never seen vulnerability in you before. You were always tough as nails. You still are, but you opened that window just a crack and let me in just a tad. That's enough.
My friends.... I've just made your morning coffee better
or your tea.
inspired by Saviabella's Ninja Fuck My Blog T-shirt, i have created for your online shopping pleasure a loverly mug - inspired by my first lady love of mastheads. She's so cute, look at her little fanny. Aww.
This mug is gauranteed to hold liquid inside it, and be the vessel with which to bring that liquid from the table/desk to your sweet little lips. that's right, people, it's allll about you. always.
Oh, and there will be a shirt in the works....stay tuned!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
i've been lurrrrved
i have been loved over at blogsweluv
pop on over and read my 10 questions and don't forget to fill in the hearts at the bottom to show everyone how much YOU love my blog too!
if you wanna be loved too go on and answer the ten questions...
(oh, and if anyone knows the magic secrets to creating a button with a photo hosted on a place like photobucket - please email me at madam_diva at yahoo dot com)
30/31 - x365 Mr. Brock
i remember you teaching me how to play the "G" chord on the guitar after story time in the fourth grade. You marked our papers with varying degrees of "Mr. Brock" smiley faces instead of letter marks. I remember writing a story for class and you marked it with a smiley face complete with tight curls, glasses and mustache... your signature... but it was smiling a huge smiles with tears flowing all the way down the page. You were one of those teachers who loved his job.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Volleyblog #2 - laura sings for you...cuz she loves you
So, it's my turn to volley the blog post in the Volleyblog game i'm playing with Paige. (for more info on Volleyblogging see Teeni over at Vaguetarian Tearoom)
Here's the recap:
it started with this post, then i wrote this one in response; initiating the volleyblog game. Paige volleyed back with this post right here, and now onto my response:
I'm basing my entire entry on one sentence from her post that inspired me:
Oh how i can feel the truth ring out in that sentence. All my life i wanted to be a singer. Sing sing sing is all i wanted to do. One time, when i was in my early teens, my friend Jenny's granddad was driving me home and he asked me what i wanted to do when i grew up. i told him my plan full of naivete: "I'm going to go to university and take music and then i'll become a famous singer", i remember the moment of silence that followed, and the creak of his old weathered hands on the leather steering wheel. He looked over at me and said: "Just because you take music in university doesn't mean you'll be a famous singer."I assumed that once in University I would magically fall into a career that I would love forever
I remembered his words, even as i was auditioning for the music program, even as i was failing out of Theory and working my ass off to stay afloat. i remembered these words as i wrote paper after paper about harmonic lines in fugues. i remembered his words as i quietly and tearily told my voice instructor that i was dropping out of university. The only time those haunting words didn't follow me around was when i was actually on stage and singing.
it was a painful realization for me - that i may not be a famous singer. But, i didn't really want to sing opera, i enjoyed singing musical theatre, and i found i loved singing the old jazz standards... but what i wanted was to sing rock and roll. Sigh. how cliche - i wanna be a rock star, it's true.
i still may. but not by going to university. All university gave me was a thirty thousand dollar debt, broken dreams, and a fuckload of stress. When i left the school, i felt the weight lifted off me - it was amazing. People ask me if i'll ever go back, and the answer is always no. If you've ever felt a weight like that lift off of you, you'd be reluctant to go back too. i can still sing, i don't need a university degree to tell me i can. i can still sing. *
* you don't need to download it if you don't want to. You can just hit play and stream it from the interweb.
29/31 - x365 Jenny G... a little longer today
Met you at church - we were friends instantly. You were smack dab in the middle of a big Mormish family: 3 boys, 3 girls. You had long red hair that ran down your back, and in the sun it shone and i frequently would run my fingers through it. You had a very strong streak of the "Middle Child Syndrome" and i became an accomplice to many of your lashouts.
Both of us went to our respective small town elementary schools - but when it was time for all the small town elementary schools to merge into the junior high - we were thrilled that we were in the same class. Our friendship was cemented that year.
You were a badass. You were a bad influence on me - and i loved it. Because of you i eeked out my first real curse word.... 'shit' and when i felt guilty about it you said: "Fuckem!" We learned to shave our legs together in your backyard, in bathing suits. Lots of knicks and cuts and a few bandaids later - we felt all grown up.
You always had older boyfriends. At the time, i thought that was sooo cool - not until years later did i realize that an 20 year old dating a 13 year old meant that he was smarmy and gross, and couldn't get anyone his own age...and also - that it was illegal!
One night, you were sleeping over at my house, and we decided to sneak out and go into 'town' where the parties were. You had this 20something guy come and pick us up and we successfully snuck out to the 7-11. From there, we got in some other car and drove around all night. i didn't find out until months later that the house we went to at 2 in the morning to go swimming in their indoor pool didn't belong to anyone we were with - that i had been part of a break and enter!
We skipped school and went to the park to smoke cigarettes and talk about penises. I had never seen one before - other than in magazines, and neither had you. We both wondered if it hurt.
You had the highest teased bangs i had ever seen, and you wore lots of dark eye makeup - accentuating how pale your readheaded skin really was. i was tomboyish enough to resist the urge to tease my hair - and paint my face (luckily)
In the summers, we used to walk down the creek to the community pool at night and hop the fence and go swimming.
When i moved away, we were both heartbroken. we promised to stay in touch and we didn't. In a way, i was glad to leave because i was given a chance to have a fresh start. You were my freind, but you were also my only friend. I was deemed 'unpopular' and i admit it was partly my association with you. But i was extremely loyal to you and i wore my unpopular badge because i knew that you and i would be friends forever. But after i left, and we never wrote, and we never called, i knew that it was all for the best.
There was a road you were travelling, and my 13 year old self did not know how to get off that road. Luckily - my parents removed me from it before i ended up pregnant at sixteen. Looking back, all the "friends" i had in that town dropped out of school and ended up pregnant, some of them with multiple children from multiple dads - like you. That could have been me.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
28/31 - x365 Allen G.
Blond hair and blue eyes - you were a bad boy who had been in and out of Juvey and my friend Jenny's cousin who lived across the street. We dated, right before i moved to the Skatch. on the night before we left, i stayed over at Jenny's and we arranged to meet in the treehouse for a last ditch make out session. i summoned all my courage, and in betweens gulps of air i slipped you a foil package (that jenny stole from her older brother's dresser). you stopped and looked at it, then at me. You shook your head "no", i was simultaneously horrified...and relieved. you were a dang good kisser. :D
Saturday, October 27, 2007
27/31 - x365 Vanessa T
When i was fourteen, you were 21 and Uncle James was 28. You were married on a rock by the lighthouse in Victorian Garb, it was beautiful. You are an only child, so you adopted me as your 'little sister'. You forced me to make decisions in 30 seconds - which helped me to get over my indecisiveness. You were so beautiful and cool - it was hard to believe you liked me. Now, i am 27, you are 34, and Uncle James ins 41. You're still beautiful and cool.
Friday, October 26, 2007
a brief exchange
[laura's cell phone rings]
Laura: Hello?
B-rad: Hey....where are you?
L: uhm, i'm JUST turning onto George Road, i should be home in, like, 3 minutes.
B: Oh.
L: Why?
B: i don't suppose you stopped and picked up beer on the way home, did ya?
L: No, why would i do that?
B: I don't know, i thought maybe you just knew that i wanted beer, and you woulda stopped and picked some up.
L: i'm sorry, i left my "Mind reading pants" at home today. No beer. I'm pulling into the drive way. goodbye.
[click]
26/31 - x365 Shlo Jasmine
You have the biggest blue eyes, and the cutest smile. You have a stubborn streak which makes me feel sympathy for your mom and dad... and watching you pull out that "silent treatment" face when you're angry makes me feel sorry for my mother - You remind me so much of me... i wonder what kind of mischief you're going to get into in the next 8 - 14 years. It makes me really glad to see that you're taking up the name Shlo. you don't know, yet, that it's a little jab at your poppa, but a friendly jab. I have called you Shlo since the day you were born. i'm glad to see it sticking. Last night, when we watched Chicken Little, you leaned up against me and rested your head on my knee. This is not the side of you i see very often, and i'm glad you chose your auntie's knee to rest your head upon. Love you little lady...
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Something
there's something in the air right now - something that is making the insides of me feel like a five year old under attack from a big bad bully on the playground who won't let me go on the swingset.
i. don't. like it.
The phone rings, and my heart jumps into my throat like a mini panic attack.
it's not even that i'm particularly busy today - it's just ...something. i don't know. The full moon maybe? my body saying; "Nope, not this month lady!...(phew)" again? what?
the air is suffocating and i want to RUN outside and breathe... just stand outside and breathe... and i kinda wish i had a cigarette - if only for the excuse to stand out side and breathe for a few minutes. I know i can do that without a ciggy, but then i'm just the crazy lady standing outside staring at the clouds looking vaguely upset.
shhh. this is a quiet office. i don't want to voice/vent my inner frustrations because even if i did, i wouldn't be able to explain them. and it's not work related... its.... something. and i don't know what it is, and it's nameless and faceless and it keeps hovering over me like a big grey... Something -personified with a Capital "S".
i don't know if i should scream, or cry, or laugh....
TT#11 - no time!!
October is practially over and November is on it's way - before we know it...it'll be christmas and all that THAT entails... work is busy, i'm busy at home... so today's TT is:
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25/31 - x365 Ryan M.
you were tall, dark, and handsome...with shocking blue eyes. You were friends with all the cool girls, and i had a huge crush on you. I sat next to you in Mr. Greaves' grade seven class, i played on the same little league team as you, we both played in the high school band, you were my square dancing parter in gym class. When you 'broke up' with your 'long term girlfriend' i did what any grade seven girl would do. I had my friend Jenny as you out for me. She said: "do you want to go out with Laura?" and you said: "Who?" ...my heart broke that day at the school bus stop. i ran away with eyes stinging from my embarrassed tears. i missed the bus.