Who Want's a Mixed CD?

okay, so this is an experiment.

i want to make YOU a mixed cd. yes you read that correctly.

i will mix you up such a cd...

and i admit, yes, some of the music you receive will leave you wondering at my sanity, or if i was possibly drunk or huffing glue. either one is entirely plausible...

i will include, with said CD, a neat little table telling you all about the music you've just received, and why i think it's worth taking a listen to.

in return, i only ask that you mix me a cd. i want to know what you like, and why?

My hopes is that in the giving and receiving of said compact discs, our collective music collections will collectively grow and expand and horizons will be broadened and minds opened and we will - together, end war and famine and live in peace and harmony for the rest of our days. Or, failing that, we'll at least get to look forward to getting something in the mail that isn't propaganda or people wanting our hard earned money.

SO.

Here's what you need to do to get a CD from me:

Send me an email: madam_diva at yahoo dot com

Please put "Purple-monkey-dish-washer" in the subject line so i know you're not filled with SPAM

i need to know who i'm sending it to.
Where i'm sending it to
and 4 bands that you absolutely detest....

for example - if in your return CD to me you put in any:

- Bryan Adams
- Celine Dion/Shania Twain/shmarmy garbage
- Nickleback
- or any song with more "uh huh, yeah"s that should ever be allowed in a recording

i will vomit.

and i don't like vomiting.

Please allow some weeks for your cd to arrive...

who's first?

UPDATE: AMENDED APRIL 2nd...
FYI - You can probably assume that i don't have any music by:

- Bryan Adams
- Celine Dion/Shania Twain/shmarmy garbage
- Nickleback
- or any song with more "uh huh, yeah"s that should ever be allowed in a
recording

As they cause me to go into stomach upheaval. So when
submitting your email with your 'dislikes', don't say the same as me... cuz i already won't put that crap-erm...music on your disk. Give me 4
NEW ones. Thanks.

Yours in music,
L

It's the FINAL COUNTDOWN.....

10 FAVORITES
Favorite Color: Purple, as seen on my lower back tattoo.
Favorite Food: Perogies, the cheese and potatoe variety
Favorite Month: July - Summer, but with another 1-2 months of niceness before winter sets in.
Favorite Song: "Freewheel" Duke Special
Favorite Movie: Right now, it's The Last Mimzy. It's a lot of good stuff rolled into a cute little kids movie. and the imagery is sweet - Sacred Geometry and stuff.
Favorite Sport: I liked track. Probably becuase i didn't have a team relying on my athletic ability. i ran for me.
Favorite Season: Fall. Sweaters.
Favorite Day of the week: Saturday.
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate.
Favorite Time of Day: 11:00 pm - bed time, cuddle time....what a dork.

9 CURRENTS
Current Mood: indifferent
Current Taste: chocolate
Current Clothes: Bizcasfri - jeans, tshirt, hoodie, runners
Current Desktop: Big bright orange poppy - i took this pic in Calgary, it makes me happy cuz the colours are so vibrant.
Current Toenail Color: Red wine.
Current Time: 11:14 am.
Current Surroundings: desk, paintings, carchair, starblanket
Current Thoughts: Jeremy's gonna think i'm a big slob - i should go clean out my car instead of doing this...i think i will

8 FIRSTS
First Best Friend: Lorna Ferguson. Grade 1. her family was Irish. i liked the way they talked.
First Kiss: i think her name was Chrystal, and she had red hair. We were six, practicing for boys. Her lips were always really wet.
First Screen Name: Madam Diva, est. 1996
First Pet: Kiki - a cat. She ran wawy when we went on vacation, she was really old.
First Piercing: My ears when i was 8 after two failed attempts at the ages of 6 and 7.
First Crush: The boy next door when i was in grade 2. i don't remember his name, but we used to kiss behind his dad's toolsheld while playing hide and seek with the neighbourhood kids.
First CD: oh god... my first cd was Shania Twain. There i said it. I feel so ashamed.

7 LASTS
Last Cigarette: BBQ extravaganza on my back deck.
Last Drink: coffee, this morning. but alcoholic - white wine at the LG Awards on Wednesday.
Last Car Ride: Driving to the office
Last Kiss: this morning, before he left for work.
Last Movie Seen: "TMNT", surprisingly not awful.
Last Phone Call: my mom, this morning to see how my new job is going.
Last CD Played: "Songs from the Skatch - Mixed Tape Vol. II" a mixed CD i made for my friend Crystal

6 HAVE YOU EVERS
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: No, but i'm married to my best friend now.
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Yes, but i've never been caught, let's leave it at that.
Have You Ever Been Arrested: Not yet.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: Yes.
Have You Ever Been on TV: Yes, i was involved in a compedy troup called The Flying Fish Fun Factory in grade 10, doing improv. I was not asked to return because i was only 16 and couldn't get in the bars we were performing at.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn’t Know: No, but i don't think the opportunity ever presented itself, or i would have.

5 THINGS
Thing You’re Wearing: headband, necklace, moonstone, 4 rings, watch
Things You’ve Done Today: made toast, peed with the door open, made coffee at work and drank it, checked my email, cleaned out my front seat.
Things You Can Hear Right Now: clacking of keyboard keys, crunching of Mini Eggs in my mouth, the traffic, the hum of electricity, the voices in my head....
Thing You Can’t Live Without: air, water, food, music, love...in that order.
Thing You Do When You’re Bored: memes, knit, chat on the phone, msn, blog

4 PLACES YOU’VE BEEN TODAY
the bathroom
the office
the office bathroom
the mail

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO
Be-rad
Crystal
Christine

2 CHOICES
Black or White:Black, it's easier to keep clean and it's ROCK n ROLL
Hot or Cold: hot, make me warm please. Although, if i had to choose Hot or Cold as my demise, i'd choose cold so i'll just fall asleep and never wake up.

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
Stand on the stage at a concert and hear the crowd singing the song that i wrote.

this is the end....beautiful friend...the end......

Last day....Just like Logan's Run, except i don't have a blinking light in my hand, and i'm not being herded for genocide...so really, nothing like Logan's Run. Except for the words Last Day.

GOODBYE LUNG.

it's been a slice.

Unsent Letter #2

Dear C.B.,

today is one of those days when i think we could almost go back to the ways things were if i had the courage to call you, or write you, or email, or anything.
but i don't. i think i'm scared to go out on that limb and have it pulled out from underneath me.

i imagine you receiving a letter from me in the mail and, upon noticing the return address, throwing it in the trash without reading it. Would you be that cold, or would curiosity get the best of you?

if i called you on the phone, would you see my name and let it go to voice mail?

if i emailed you, would you delete?

Probably you'd read the letter, or answer the phone... or read the email...

probably.

Maybe you'd even be happy to hear from me.

maybe.

but i'm terrified of the possibility of you throwing me away - unread, unheard.

i don't think that there's really any way that i could fix what i did.
No magic spell to make those words - spewed out in anger and hurt - come back to me, never spoken. i could have done it differently. i could have walked it off. i could have told you everything. would you understand? would it have made any difference at all?

I just wanted to say
i'm sorry.

Only in Skatch...

There is something that goes on in Saskatchewan.

Something i haven't had to deal with the past four years while living in cowtown.

But now i'm back, and i'm faced with this problem over and over again.

Kaiser.
Everyone in Saskatoon plays Kaiser.

now, let me say right here and now.

I....HATE.....KAISER.

i hate it, okay? i hate being asked because i'm going to say no, and when i do i inevitably get: "What? you don't like Kaiser? But it's fun!" Oh yeah! About as fun as gettin my teeth pulled, and for those who know me well - you know i have a tooth phobia - Odontophobia to be exact.

Saying that i should like something i don't find fun just because you think it's fun is like telling someone who hates cucumbers that they should like them cuz i do. No other reason, but trust me... you'll love cucumbers. Just try it. C'mon.

So what is it about this game that i dislike so much?

Well, some of it is based in my first experience playing the game at Brad's old cabin at the lake one summer when we just started dating. i had never even heard of this game before i moved from BC to the Skatch in '95. I swear it's Saskatchewan made. Anyway, i was 18 and Brad and i had been dating for only a few weeks, maybe a month or two. The brothers decided we should all play Kaiser and my partner was Brad's older brother Doug. Doug scared the shit out of me then. And he gets loud. Especially when he drinks.... he should have never been my partner. Doug also likes to win.

but more than that, this partner based game requires you to assess the cards in your hand, and estimate the probability of your partner having the other cards that you need to take enough tricks to win, basing your initial bid on this estimation... Back when i did play it, i would just pass on the bids only to have the hand play out and be questioned: WHY WOULDN'T YOU HAVE BID WITH THAT HAND!!!!

I don't do estimates. I don't do probability. This is not the way my brain works. Give me a game where the outcome does not rely on my ability to imagine what other cards might be floating around - let me focus on the cards i have in my own hand and leave me the fuck alone.

To tell you the truth, i am getting mighty sick of explaining myself to people. Seriously.

And yes,it's true, now it has become somewhat of a matter of principle for me. This is where, i think, i am at my most Taurus. I admit to being unmoving on this. Freely. I'll sing it from the rooftops. But i also believe that it's become a matter of principle for everyone who tries to get me to play. They want to be the ones to say: "Yeah, we got Laura playing Kaiser!" or be the ones to say "I told you so" if i happen to enjoy myself. Which i won't.
And you can't tell me that it's Not a matter of priniciple for you, or you would drop it when i say i don't like Kaiser. But you don't. You harrass me and bug me and you say: "C'mon, it'll be fun... i'll be your partner, it's just a game, nobody cares if you win, c'mon.... c'mon.."

If it's not a big deal, then let's drop the whole thing and play Scrabble.

"so, are just going to keep on NOT playing if for the rest of your life?"

that's the plan. i haven't played it in almost eight years. It wasn't hard. I didn't miss it one bit. I used to feel bad for brad because he likes to play. But now they play it every day at work - so he's got his fix. He's been really great, though, with not asking me to play anymore. He gets it. He understands that it's not fun for me. He's so awesome.

In closing, i hate this stupid muthafucking game, i don't want to play it, i don't want to 'just try it', i don't want to have to like it "once you get used to it" - there are thousands of other games i am more than willing to play. Why don't we play one of those?

Good day, and welcome to DAY ONE of Laura's "Doctor ordered" day of rest...

robaxasomthing makes me groggggy...

i spent a portion of this day playing 'round with my template. not too much as changed... no more flickr button, but that's okay. it only showed pics of family anyway.

I tried, at least 3 different ways, to get my picture to show up in my profile. can't do it. BAH!

that, and i don't know how to make my header have some kind of pic. Whatever. i'm giving up.

shouldn't be doing this on drugs anyway

Knitty

Awwww, look at how cute i am!

My Great Grandmother was a pretty sweet knitter. She had this awesome pattern for a hooded baby sweater that was zipped up the back. She made one for all her grand kids... and all her great grandkids.... this one is mine.

Anyway, she died last summer. And i figured i should probably learn how to make this sweater - keep the tradition going. There are others who have the pattern, my grandma, my aunts, my mom....and now me.

It seems like it's just a really cool way to keep the tradition.

Now, i have never knitted anything from a pattern before. just scarves, cuz they're easy. One straight line.

So my mom sat me down with the pattern, explained a few things here and there.... and VOILA!!















I'm so impressed.

Now that i've followed a pattern and lived to tell the tale - there's a whole wide world of knitting patterns out there... FREE FOR THE TAKING!!!

I told the witch doctor i was in love with you...

and she said: ooo eeee ooo ah ah ting tang....stay home for the next couple of days and take these muscle relaxants!

Dear Saskatchewan Health....

Where the HELL is my health card? Seriously.
What's that? You have my application? That's great.
What? you're 8 weeks behind? Fabulous.
SO what you're telling me Saskatchewan Health, is that i have no coverage? Excellent.
That's great.
Excellent time for me to be rear ended by some girl who doesn't pay attention behind the wheel.

Laura

So, i went to work this morning and was told by all the health professionals there to "Go see a DOCTOR!" good thing too. It seemed that yesterday i felt fine, but today is another story all together. I'm feeling the pain on my right side of my neck, down my shoulders, and down my back all on the right. This could be because i had my head turned, looking in the rearview mirror when it all went down.

I get to the doctor's office and have to explain the situation to the receptionist. Here's a few of the things i said.
"No i don't have a health card"
"I just moved back from Calgary"
"Yes, i know that - but Alberta coverage ends in 3 months. So i was done in February."
"No. i don't have coverage. in either province. That's correct"
"I called Saskatchewan Health this morning, and they said they HAVE my application, the just haven't done anything with it."
"yes, they have it."
"No, they haven't processed it. They're 8 weeks behind"
"No, i don't have coverage in Saskatchewan."
"no, not in Alberta either. it ended at the end of February."
"yes, i have applied for Sask health."
"No, they have my application already - but they haven't processed it because they're 8 weeks behind"

you see the pattern here?

I ended up forking over $40.00 to see my old Doctor. She was great. And funny. And gave me free samples of pain killers.

and i mean, like, 2 huge handfuls of pain killers. "Here you go!" she said, "this is your prize for having No coverage! Welcome back to the Skatch."

She didn't say the Skatch... i added that - creative license.

She did tell me to stay home for the next few days and let my body have a chance to recouperate. so i called the office and said i wouldn't be back in the offic until friday.

and now i'm home.

hopped up on pain killers...weeeeeeeee

And this is what happened on my way home from work

damn.
but the worst part is... i looked in my rear view mirror...saw her coming, and thought... "holy shit...she's gonna hit me!"

And then she did.



Nobody was hurt - that i know of. I mean, i didn't feel too much at the time, i'm getting a little sore now. I'll probably be pretty stiff tomorrow.



i'm not looking forward to dealing with SGI tomorrow.

Not looking forward to it at all.

damn.

Googlesearch, hollas, and censorship...oh my

Okay, so i was googled into from the search "porn mania" and this is what they found. poor guy. at least, i'm assuming it's a guy.

Anyway, i just wanna do a SHOUT OUT and give a quick holla to my Cousin-in-law. How's T.O. treatin' ya? i hope you don't find my blog too offensive. The only other family reader i have is Melsie. Well, the only one that i know of. If any other family members are out there chekkin' on me, give me a quick note in the comments section. I mean, it's only fair. i know that there's Someone who checks in regularly from Winnipeg. Who's out there in Winterpeg?

So that brings me to censorship. LD brought up the possibility of many if not all my in-law relatives reading my blog. What do i think about that? Will that effect the way i write, or even what i write about? Will that stop me from saying Fuck (this is one of those times it's okay to say Fuck) or from posting pictures of myself eating a chocolate Cooch? or saying the word cooch? i'm pretty low-key at family gatherings. I try to be prim and proper, well, maybe not prim and proper...but at least respectable. i don't want them to think their little Bradley's gone and married himself a sewertalkingtrash lady. Even if i am a little potty mouthed.... do i want them to know? Do i want them to know that i sell sex toys on the side, and that one of my favorite jokes is calling my friends and leaving messages on their answering machines saying the AssBlaster3000 they ordered is in?

when i made the move from diaryland to blogspot, i started out a little cautious. i mean, i only created the blogspot domain so i could post comments on LD's blog. i never touched it for months though. However, once i started posting regularly, i had thoughts of my mother in law finding her way here through links on comments on LD's blog and reading a very descriptive blog entry about some sordid night-time details involving her youngest child. So, i began very carefully. Trying not to say anything TOO far out there. it's only been in the past couple of months that i've started to feel like i could say anything.

i guess the real question is where do i draw the line between what i think is entertaining and what might potentially hurt or damage family relationships?

it's given me quite a bit to think about. How do you deal with this issue?

Meme.

Read my VisualDNA™     Get your own VisualDNA™

Mooooving on Uuup!!!! (Moving on up!!)

okay, okay, okay. enough with the blah entries.... for anyone who's been following my blog you'd know that when Laura starts posting 2 line emails, or comics, or memes....with no substance....it usually means i have a secret that i'm dying to tell. Well, if you were wondering what is up with this or this i can now tell you.

Little Laura is all growed up.

No. i'm not pregnant.

The Universe totally configured itself to do my bidding, and my bidding it did! Thank you 'The Secret' :)

About a month ago a friend of mine sent me an email saying: "Hey, check out this job posting on the interweb. i think this is right up your alley!"

I checked it out, and yes, it WAS right up my alley. Right up my alley and right back down the street. I hummed and hawed, agonizing over what to do. On the one hand, the job posting looked kick ass. On the other hand, an old family friend got me my job here. Practically created a position for me. But on the other other hand....the job posting looked kick ass!!
i took a night to think on it and talk it over with the love of my life. in the end, i decided - what the hell. i'll put in my resume and see where that takes me.

With my Resume in the mail i had nothing left to do but wait.

However.

Once i had a bug in my ear about this potentially totally rad job it became all i could think about and i started to notice how much i didn't really fit in the job i'm at. There was nothing wrong with working here, but it wasn't the job best suited for me.

i waited.
and waited.

I watched "The Secret" and it blew my mind into a million pieces. OF COURSE!! it was at that point that i knew i would get the job.

"That a man can change himself...and master his own destiny is the conclusion of every mind who is wide-awake to the power of right thought." - Christian D. Larson (1866 - 1954)

i told the universe i wanted the job. i said: "Hey Universe, you and i both know that this job was created for me and me alone! I'm just here to say thanks for that, and i'll take it!"

shortly after watching "The Secret" i recieved a call on my cell. i missed it, but there was a message... JUMPIN' JAHOSAPHAT! it was a call for an interview.

AND.... this friend would be part of the interview process!?!?!? HELLA SWEET! (or totally rad, as she would say)

i'll spare most of the details, but i went to the interview March 6th (Tuesday) and i had the best interview of my entire life! i tell you there was no fear, only confidence. i felt, in a way, that the job was already mine and the interview process was just protocol. i have never been so "on" in my life. When i left the interview i was practically buzzing.

"Okay," she said, "I hope to have a decision by Thursday and i'll let you know either way."

Thursday came and went - nothing.
Friday came...nothing....nothing....but then around 4 - a CALL...
Things came up and she wasn't able to make a decsion. She'd let me know by the end of next week.... poo.

So the weekend came and went... and Monday came and went.
But something happened on Tuesday. Something. I don't know what exactly. but i woke with the weirdest feeling. i felt....good. like, really good. not that i ever wake up feeling bad, exactly, but this was something that was so different than the norm that i noticed. I woke up feeling refreshed and well rested (which is odd because i don't ever rest well).

I got out of bed and had a shower, blow dried my hair, ate some breakfast, burnt a copy of "The Secret" for a lady at work, and left the house. While in the car, i looked at the clock - i was late for work. But it didn't phase me. i was listening to CBC Morning Edition when this most awesome Violin Concerto started to play. It was so good.

Imagine Tom Allen's sultry morning voice saying: "That was Violinist, Janine Jansen, playing the Third Movement of Bruch's Violin Concerto No. 2"

at this point i was exactly late for work with a 8 minute drive ahead of me. "oh well," i thought "i'm already late...might as well buy danishes for the office." so i called the office and told them i was going to be late. I stopped at Sobey's and purchased some delightfully fresh nibblies. Then, seeing as i was already late - and they knew i'd be late - i went to Starbucks for my morning coffee... the drive through line was long and it wasn't moving. When i finally made it to the window, it seemed the problem lay with a crabby crankster inside the store who was obviously making the Barrista's lives miserable. "So sorry about the wait" my not so cheery barrista said, looking a bit overwhelmed.

So, as cheerfully as i could i told her it was fine, and that i loved her earrings, and that i hoped she had a much better day "It can only get better from here" i said. She smiled.

when i got to the office, i sent out an allstaff email saying that there were treats in the kitchen "Happy TUESDAY"

i think it made everyone's day.

I really felt like nothing could bring me down. NOTHING.

Then around 4 o'clock my cell rang. i answered, and when i realized who it was, my heart started beating. "This is it" i thought. "this is where it alllllll goes down....."

She offered me the job, and i most happily accepted.

I knew something awesome was going to happen that day. I KNEW it. i didn't know what exactly, but i knew it would be something great.

MY DAY JUST KEPT GETTING BETTER!

And to top off the evening, i went to see 300 which i didn't think i was going to like. Bloody? Yes. Gory? Yes. Excellent? YES!

So.

In closing, my friends, i'm moving on up in the world. I feel like i'm finally getting a piece of the Pieeeeee.....

all my look a like faces