Rockin' and Rollin' and Whatnot...

So, about 6 weeks ago i got a call from my Sister-in-law-Pam's mom, Joan, asking if Brad and i would be interested in a joining their band to play for the Church Dance. Now, my family and Pam's family are Mor-diddly-ormon... and i was raised that way... but have sinced gone the way of the Nonbeliever.



ANYWAY - there was some hesitation at first - mostly on Brad's part. I think he thought they were going to strap him down and read the Book of Mormon to him until he Begged to be Baptised and Confirmed in the Church.


I agreed immediately, based on the fact that i had "jammed" with Joan and her husband Glenn on numerous occassions out on the farm in my youth. and i knew it would be a barrel of laughs.

So, we joined up. And we were 'volunteering' much to Brad's dislike.



Anyway, after 6 weeks of practicing and learning 2 hours worth of songs the fateful day arrived... last Saturday. We packed up the gear and headed to the church where we knocked 'em dead with tunes like: "Down on the Corner", "Who's Sorry Now", "Twist and Shout", "Hard Days Night", and more! We even pulled out "Smoke on the Water" which we had only played together 3 times before the dance. It was, arguably, our best song! As far as number or dancers and headbangers (you haven't lived until you've seen the old folks you grew up with in church ROCKIN OUT to Smoke on the Water). The crowd was singing loud and strong the famous words:


SMOOOOOKE on the WAAAAATERRRRRRR....and fire in the sky....


except for my little brother (who's actually not very little 6'2", 200 lbs with a bright blue mohawk) who was singing at the top of his lungs:



SLOOOOOOWWWWWW walking WALLLLLLLTER.....the Fire Engine Guy....


i was surprised at the turn out for the dance, but even more so for how long people stayed. From what i remember, those dances usually peder out by nine o'clock. But we had a full dance floor until 10:30 when we were forced to stop so other people could come on the stage and 'jam', which killed the dance, in my opinion.


Anyway, it was a lot of fun! i'd forgotten how much fun it is to be on a stage, and talking to a crowd and dancing around!! Even Brad, who played Bass (he's usually on guitar) had a really good time - and that's what i was most concerned about. I love it when he plays, especially when he's having a really good time. Something about his stance, and his arms, and shoulders.... and his face.... just makes my insides turn to GOO!! sighhhhh


enough of that... here's another pic:

this is me and Krista - my sister-in-law's baby sister. She's like the little sister i never had. She also sang lead for the Intermission band and she was soooo goood! i'm so proud of her.

Anyway, we were the hot news item the next day in church, i'm told. Everyone said we were fab, and that it was the best church dance they'd ever been to! Which is a nice feeling to know that all our hard work paid off in the end.... and speaking of paid....they paid us off in the end, which - i think - really cemented the whole experience for Brad. Not much, but it was still nice to get.

1.5% down.... a long way to go

i had my first weigh in at Curves yesterday, and although i can physically FEEL myself getting stronger, there wasn't all that much to report in the way of pounds or inches lost. I did lose 1.25" off my Boobies....however, i believe a large portion of that to be due to my SuperSuckyInSportsBra that never says die...and not due to actual loss.

Truth be told, i actually gained a pound. Yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone says: "but Laura, muscle weighs more than fat...blah blah blah" i know, i know... it's still a little discouraging to be working this hard and see that number on the scale Raise instead of Fall.

But just before i was about to walk away hanging my head in shame due to no improvement whatsoever, my weight consultant said: "Hey, you went down 1.5% in Body Fat. That's Great!" WOOT WOOT!! Hell yeah! That's what i need to hear.

So i guess that means that somewhere under all that padding my little muscles are starting to form. Yay me.

And let me tell you - i can now understand how all those ripped body builders can get so caught up in themselves... i haven't looked at my arms this much before in my life. Eleanor and Rufus are the talk of the town... at least in my bathroom they are. I have become that person who stands in front of the mirror flexing singing: "Dahhh dah dah dah dah DAH DAH dah dah dah dah DAH DAH dah dah dah dah DAH-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-daaaaaa" (that's right, i know you're singing the CanCan in your head as you read that).

The other night, i was laying on the couch with B-Rad, like i usually do. And he leaned over and smacked me on my bottom....at which point i flexed my buttocks and he said: "WOAH! Your ass is HARD!"

"I know! Brad, are you a little afraid that i can overpower you now?"

"...every night i fear for my life."

"That's what i thought" :D





Don't get me wrong - i'm far from being Starla. Everytime i look at myself in the mirror or on film - i feel like i don't even know who that person is. That chubby brunnette can't possibly be the same SexyVixen that i feel like i am! And the realization that, yes - that is me, stings every single time.

I can't wait to look in the mirror and say: "Hey, that SexyVixen in the mirror is ME!!"

i've got a long way to go to get there, but i don't feel like it's impossible anymore. And i really think that excersize is the way to get there! Sure, i can lose weight by dieting, but without the muscle to keep burning calories it'll just find it's way back to me. And more than that - i want to be healthy! i want to walk upstair with out feeling winded. I want to be able to walk briskly and have a conversation with someone without feeling like i'm going to pass out.

And i'm going to get that. You just watch!

Working for my future through positive thinking...

i'm working on something right now. I can't say what - so don't ask, but there are a few of you who know what's up... right now i'm concentrating on bringing it to me by the power of positive thinking...

but the more i think of it, the more i realize that where i'm at is not where i should be.

cryptic.

i know.

PS - Eleanor is fucking hot.... ;)

mishmash #5

Okay, so i've been bored for the last 6 weeks - checkin' my email 37 times a day, writing big long posts....

then suddenly - out of NOWHERE - i've been doing nothing but running my ass off everyday this week. i'm so stressed out I'm starting to dream of the job from hell.... and that's not cool...

dreams where the Jackass says: "we just got a multi-million dollar client, and he wants his ERPs done for under $8,000.00!!"

and i'm all like: "There's no fucking way!" (again, i feel this is an appropriate use of the word Fuck - because if it hadn't been a dream, the only way it'd be possible for me to do that would be to work for free...)

and he's all up in my face and is like: "Well, if you wanna keep your job, you'll make it happen!"

and i'm all like: "i don't even work here anymore!!"

Stress does weird things to me. apparently i don't handle it well. ha ha.

*****

Anyway, it seems now that there will be more work for me in the future. Which has its ups and downs.

Being busy makes the day go by.

And this stress i've been experiening is different altogether from what i'm used to at the Job From Hell. At least there, it was an organized busy. I always knew what was going on, and there was order to what i was doing, there was just a LOT of what i was doing. Here, it's like a chaotic free-for-all of people coming and going and phones ringing and couriers, and deposits and filing, and phone calls, and drop ins, and appointments and all that stuff. I'm amazed. i am truly amazed at the zaniness of it all.

zany.

*****

can you bring me my chapstick?
no.
but my lips hurt real bad!
just use some of the nurses, i know she has, like, 6 sticks in her drawer.
gross.

seriously, though, my lips hurt real bad.


*****


So the other night, after returning from the gym, i decided to really make it personal - and i did something i maybe should have done ages ago...

that's right, people.

i named them.

my biceps, that is.

I figured if i was really going to get something out of this, i should know who i'm dealing with, and who i can shout PEPTALK SLOGANS to, or who to blame....whichever.

So, i named my Right Bicep Eleanor and my Left Bicep Rufus. Together, they are Eleanor & Rufus! PowerARMS EXTRAORDINAIRE!!!! i'm so ripped.

well, i'm getting there. Eleanor is growing a muscle line! I'm so proud of her. When i flex her to show Brad how i will soon be able to overpower him, you can start to see where she bulges!!

Rufus needs some work, sadly. He's just not as motivated as his partner. Not that he's not trying really hard, but i think he's struggling with living in Eleanor's shadow... and she casts a pretty big shadow - what with having a muscle line and all.

But Brad reassured me that the size of Rufus had nothing to do with his performance! That he was doing just fine, and to give him time. So i apologized to Rufus, and promised to work harder with him. I hope Eleanor doesn't get jealous.

It's just that Rufus has never had to do much, being a Lefty and all. So he's trying, he's just not used to all the attention. He's Shy.

Don't worry, i'll bring him out of his shell.

Conversation with Lisa...

It was good to talk to you again, Lisa. I miss you guys.

Laura

FINALLY, i can be ME!

A special thank you to Cenobyte for my new and improved Bio! I'm more excited than when i got the new phone book! I'm somebody, y'know!

for your reading pleasure, and mine...i give you ....THE BIO:

The Diva, as she is known to the Great Unwashed Masses, was born in a Pink Floyd T-Shirt on the outskirts of Lower Islington. From an early age, it was obvious that The Diva was talented. Given a ball of twine, six swizzle sticks, and a hunk of pre-chewed gum, The Diva can construct a fully functional AM/FM radio.

Shapely and highly sought-after, The Diva is often seen wearing pants, and is, although many are not aware of this, the inventor of the Piña Colada, a drink made with pineapple, cocoanut, rum, and lurve.

When not in her recording studio, The Diva can be found lounging on the beaches of Mexico, haggling with the local children over the price of hand-sold Chicklets ™.

Because of recent run-ins with the ‘paparazzi’, The Diva has taken a day job as an Accountancy Receptionier, although she certainly does not need the money, but merely to confusticate those of her stalkers who would do her harm.

You will be familiar with The Diva’s works, as she is the woman who wrote much of the music for the Canadian Pop band, “Men without Glands”. Sometimes, she gazes out over the city lights, and sighs, knowing that the great city of Calgary owes much of its success to her support, over the years.

The accuracy is just plain amazing!
Hooray!!
My actual bio will be upgraded shortly, but for now it lives here on my blog!

Oh the DRAMA that is my life....

Where to begin? It's been a while since my last post... that's not like me at all. But if you knew the last couple of days i just had....well... you'd forgive me.

After having a harrowing experience with a cranky old buzzard, the drama just seemed to continue.

Friday morning i woke up bright and early at 8:30 in the morning.... when i work at 9:00. Usually i leave the house at 8:30... so no time for breakfast, or a shower, or decent makeup... i just threw on a pair of jeans and a TShirt and ran out the house (BizCasFri). somehow i made it to work only 15 minutes late. Driving like a bat outta hell, i'm sure.

But it was the one thing that started my day spinning out of control.

Something happened to me at lunch. I won't disclose what, because of where i work and because my boss asked me to keep it on the down low, but it shook me hard. There were tears, i felt very uncomfortable the rest of the day. And if that's not bad enough, people kept bringing it up and making me talk about it the rest of the day. All i could think of was getting out of there and getting home to my Bradley and a bottle of wine.

The other receptionist stayed until 5 so i wouldn't be alone, and as we were leaving i realized my tire was F-L-A-T FLAT. FAN-Fucking-TASTIC!!! (this is one of those times when it's okay to say fuck.) What more can go wrong today? "It's okay," i thought "I'll just drive it over to the Canadian Tire Gas station at the end of the block!" this involves driving 1/2 block down the back alley and crossing a very busy street.... so i make it there, pull up to the station... and there's no pump! That's odd. i go inside to check out the sitch, and the dude says:

"Sorry, our air doesn't work. Closest Gas station is 2 blocks away!"

excellent.

I am practically driving on the rim of my tire - but i make it there, where some stupid twentysomething girl is sitting in her car, in front of the air... talking on her cell phone. So i wait for a few minutes to see if she's going to do anything. Of course, she just sits there. So i honk. And she shoots me daggers, but leaves.

Not knowing how much to fill my tires - i filled them enough to get home. "The last thing i need is to have my Tire Explode on the way home from filling it too much..."

On the drive, i called my husband and got no answer. So i called our friends to confirm what time to show up for the supper plans we had. Afterwards i tried Brad again, and got him. He was a little TOO cheerful, so i asked him: "have you been drinking?"

"YUP!" apparently it was the one year anniversary of his Shop so the bosses brought some booze.

"so, i guess i'm driving tonight then, huh?"

"YUP!"

"SHIT!!"

*silence*

"Are you okay" he asked me...

at this point i spill the whole story of my day, and i'm bawling as i drive down 22nd - i tell him all i wanted to do today was open a bottle of wine and drink, and now HE'S already drunk so i have to stay sober and you wouldn't believe the day i've had!!

when i arrived home i walked up to the front door, and brad was there waiting. He didn't say anything he just pulled me in and hugged me while i cried. Eventually, i was able to regain some kind of composure - and i plopped down on the couch like a zombie and watch the first 20 minutes of The Wedding Crashers while i wait for Brad to shower and get ready to go.

The rest of the night is fine - We had Pizza at Jazasab's and we watched Clerks II and talked about the TV Show Heroes until we left with a pile of movies to watch.

Saturday morning i decided to add INJURY to my list of woes, and slipped and fell down the stairs. There's only 6 stairs, but i hit them hard and was treated to two green bruises, a stair length apart on my shoulders and the middle of my back. Nothing that a few pitchers of Sangria and a game of Mexican Train can't cure... or so i thought

I didn't really feel the effects of either the stairs or the Sangria until the next morning. I was treated to a nice Sangria Hangover, and i could barely move. My back was officially broken, and i was now on the waiting list for a Backiatomy!! haha

We made it, miraculously, in time for our Breakfast Date with Raegina where i did not order Eggs Benedict - solely because they didn't offer it on their menu. We went to the Caswell Cafe and it's tiny. Like eight tables, tiny. It's strictly a Breakfast and Dinner place, it closes at 2. I ordered Bacon and Eggs, and it was okay, and they weren't stingy with coffee refills. The best part was the conversation. We could spend hours and hours with Raegina and never run outta things to say.

But sitting for 2 hours in a hard chair payed its toll on me... we went to my in-laws for lunch and lunch turned into an all day affair and i felt like my back was ready to break in two.

Monday morning was no better. I had to take the minutes in my first ever Staff meeting. And it wasn't all that bad - as far as meetings go - until we had to discuss the "event" that "occured" on friday... and everyone had something to say:

"Laura, you shoulda....."
"...Next time you should..."
"...in the future...."

it was getting to be too much - so i finally said to my whole office: "Y'know what? Hindsight."

Not much i could do about it now. So let's leave it alone. As we were walking out of the board room one of the ladies said to me; "It must be so hard for you right now."

I'd had enough so i told her; "y'know, i'm just pretending it never happened. Now people just need to stop bringing it up." That shut her up and i walked away.

it's been a rough couple o' days, like i said, and adding the injury it's been nothing but Crabby Pants Central over here.

So.

That's what i've been up to. Time to move on.

another time

i just spent a half hour writing an entry about my strengths and weaknesses, then i answered the phone here at the office, and now i feel like shit.

Somehow i managed to offend a little old lady who wanted to donate money over the phone using her credit card. Okay, standard procedure... get out the form and go over it with her on the phone.

Now, i am a super polite phone talker... when i have my business voice on... which i did.

We went through the form - both of us cheerful (usually the little old ladies are great to chit chat with), and when we got to the reason for donation this is how it went down:

"And what was your reason for donating today?"

"what do you mean?"

"well, some people like to specify what their donation is going towards."

this is where started to go downhill...

"well, i'll tell you what. We have a list of charities that we donate to every year, and it's a new year! If you don't want my donation then i'll take my money elsewhere!"

Normally, i would say something like: "well that's just fine, we'll get by without you, you grumpy old bitch!!" but i can't say that! Not at the office, and especially when your office is a charity... so i took a breath, re-grouped and tried to smooth things out.

"Oh, no, i'm sorry. I meant that sometimes people donate in memory of someone who's passed away, or would like their money to go towards Asthma research, that kind of thing."

"I don't like the way you asked me that. That's a terrible way to go about it."

"I'm sorry, i am very new. I'm still learning."

"i don't appreciate the way you're talking to me. You can believe that if that's the way you're talking to people you won't be getting very many donations!"

"..i'm sorry. i didn't mean to offend you."

"so just take my money and let's let it be that!"

"okay, thank you for your support. Have a nice day."

"goodbye." CLICK.

anyway, my day is shot now. 35 minutes till home time...

Eouf Benedict

All day long i've been thinking about one thing.... Eggs Benedict. I love Eggs Benedict.
It's the only thing that's keeping me going through this long and boring week. ...look at it up there....your mouth is watering right now, isn't it?

My favourite meal to go out for is Breakfast. My favourite breakfast meal is Eggs Benny. And i haven't had a REALLY good Eggs Benny in a loooong time.

When Brad and i lived in Calgary, we used to go quite regularly to a little cafe called 'Wunderlicks'. It was a small family owned business run by a woman and her 2 daughters. They made the best breakfast burritoes of all time. And for awhile Eggs Benny got thrown to the wayside in favour of the tasty eggy goodness wrapped in a flour tortilla.

But...as much as i tried, i couldn't stay away from those tasty bennies and that tasty hollandaise sauce. That's the trick, right there. I mean, a chimp with a pot of boiling water can probably make a poached egg. But if you can create a beautiful creamy hollandaise that isn't too bland, and doesn't taste like LEMON??... then you and i have a lot to talk about.

Sadly, they tore 'Wunderlicks' down in favour of God Knows what, probably a Tim Horton's... and now brad and i are without a "breakfast place".

And you have to have a "breakfast place". Everyone has one... "let's meet for breakfast...i know a great little place..." and those great little places are usually mom and pop organizations with fantastic menus and reasonable prices....

Now that we've moved back home the search is on. We have a 'breakfast date' on Sunday morning...

4 more sleeps until the we go for breaky with Raegina. i hope they have Benedict's Eggs there.

evan.

Is it interesting or sad that i just spent a half hour googling your name? There were plenty sites to sift through. I'm not sure what i was looking for. Proof that you existed and still do somewhere? Curious wonderings of where you hang your hat? Your name comes up in certain circles, and i think back to that time. Fondly, yes. There are good memories there. Happily, though, they are memories and not realities. Tiddlypom.

20 People - 20 Sentences

The idea: Write a sentence about 20 people; one sentence per person, but don't mention who...
(sometimes i wrote more than one...)

1. Sometimes i look at you when you're not looking. You have no idea how happy i am.
2. I'm so glad we got the chance to get to know each other. You've become one of my dearest friends.
3. I wish we were capable of meaningul conversation. I want to talk to you - but don't know how.
4. I still think about you.
5. You saved me so many times in so many ways. I may never be able to thank you properly.
6. You are a cold, two-faced bitch! And someday it will all catch up with you. I have to believe that Karma will bite you in the ass!
7. If everything i've heard is true, i will never forgive you.
8. Sometimes i worry that you won't make it to your next birthday. Please be careful.
9. i can't wait until you reach your potential! You should know i think you're great....but more importantly, you should trust yourself.
10. I still think about that night on the couch where i thought for a while that you felt the same way.
11. You should see a Doctor! Seriously, that is really annoying.
12. I love you, and i always will - but i will never go back to church. Accept it or lose me.
13. Sometimes i wonder if you're trying to get close to me to make yourself feel better for the way you treated my dad.
14. You'll never know how much he misses you.
15. I can't wait to see what you'll do with your life. I bet it'll be great!
16. I don't think your marriage will work because you're doing it for all the wrong reasons.
17. I never got the chance to tell you how much it sucked when you abandoned me.
18. I secretly think you're hot.
19. Do you think we'll ever feel totally comfortable around each other?
20. I've never told anyone.
    

A Letter to My Brother on this, his Twenty-Fifth birthday

Dear Patrick,

So, it's your birthday. And you've made it to 1/4 Century! Well done, good sir.

I've known you your whole life. I wish i could say that i remember the day you were born. I have, however, seen pictures of you the day you were born. I was only 2, so forgive me if my memory is fuzzy.

In fact, i 'm trying now to recall the very first memory i have of you. I know you were sick a lot when you were a baby. Again, i don't know if that's a bonafide memory, of if it's derived from pictures i've seen that i've tucked away in my brain.

I remember hearing stories of how you stopped breathing, and mom thought you were going to die. I DO remember you were very small. Tiny little fingers and toes.

My very first concrete memory of you was the time i pushed you off the trampoline when you were 3. For many years after that, i carried around this guilt thinking that your 'bad eye' was because of the stitches you got as a result of being pushed off. When you started bleeding i ran and hid in the car. Grandma found me there and she said "I know Laura, we're all worried about Patrick" but in all honesty, i was worried about getting in trouble. When you came home from the hospital you had a blown up Surgical Glove with a face on it. I was jealous that you had a balloon and i didn't. i'm sorry. i was only five! i think i held onto that guilt until i was well into my teens and i was looking at family photos and noticed you had an eye patch, even as a baby.

i told mom i thought your bad eye was my fault.

Looking back, i don't know if it was the guilt i felt that made us so close. Maybe it was that in the beginning, but the truth is - you're fun to be around. How many nights did we stay up giggling and laughing and creating these stories and movies we wanted to make, and books we wanted to write, ....how many times did we get in trouble for sneaking up at midnight to watch The Kids in The Hall caught because we were laughing too hard?

Growing up we continued to be close. We often told people we just met that we were twins. Having you as a friend made living on the farm bareable. Growing up the way we did, i was often amazed when my friends would say they hated their brothers. I don't think i ever hated you, even when you broke my Unicorn Jewellery Box's horn...with my Barbie. You may have played with my Barbies more often than i did.

In high school, we were lucky enough to be in Band together, which was unbelievably fun most days. Somehow we ended up in the same circle of friends and even after you moved away to Vancouver we still stayed in touch, somewhat. You called me when you were in trouble, and we found solutions!

Having you as Brad's Roommate was an excellent move and a terrible move all at once. You two became good friends and bandmates. When i threw myself into the mix, it seemed like the more the merrier!

I always said the only brother i could ever live with now that i'm an adult, was you. We became three peas in a very small pod. For the most part things were swell... we did pretty good. You were a groomsman at my wedding which meant a lot to me. Brad wanted you to stand up for him. That told me that he found you a close enough friend to include you! But, i don't know if i ever told you - if Brad didn't want you, you would've been standing on my side.

Over time, we have had some ups and downs. It seemed there were more downs for a while there.

Luckily you saw it was time to move on and move out before we had the awkward conversation where we ask you to leave.

Before you left, we had the opportunity to really hash it out. For better or for worse we talked it through, and now you know more about me than most people. Probably more than anyone i know, with the exception of Brad.

And now we've moved back home and you've stayed on in Cowtown. I didn't realize that i would miss you as much as i do. or worry about you as much as i do. But you're a big boy. You're really smart and creative, and i want you to be happy in whatever you do. You called me last weekend to let me know you got my birthday card. You sounded happy. That was a relief, because you seemed so UNhappy the last time we talked.

You should know that i love you, my little brother.

Have a great birthday.

Love,

Big Sis.