Sounding Board

Facebook is a crazy phenomenon.

If you're not down with the Facebook - and you've been living under a rock...Paige....facebook allows people from your life keep constant tabs on your life. I, personally, use my facebook account as another form of Email with an oh-so-convenient stalking functionality. Because you're able to check up on all your peeps, read their wall posts, look at their photos and check their status updates (similar to Twitter) and stalk keep yourself updated.

the downside to facebook is the inevitable day when you'll have to decide if you want to add that guy from high school who was super creepy and liked to smell your hair from his desk behind you.... or even better still... whether or not you want you Grandma to be your facebook friend. (both of which are scenarios i have encountered) what is the facebook etiquette on ignoring friend requests? i have decided to just say Fuck it. That's right people. Fuck it. If i don't give you the time of day normally, why would i allow you access to pictures of me licking another persons face while doing tequila shots? i didn't lose too much sleep over it, i just decided one day to start deleting people i had no interest in 'friending'.

Now, i don't think twice about ignoring a friend request if i think that having that person as a facebook friend will add stress to my life.

Until last week.

i recieved a friend request from a name i didn't know... "Who is this Shelly Smith-Lohan?" i thought to myself... "and why would they want to friend me". Now, when you are being 'friended' on facebook - if you are the recipient of said 'friending' - you are granted access to that persons profile so you can look around and decide if you want to accept or deny their invitation. it took me a while to figure out who she was, as i hadn't seen her in over five years, and she looked a lot different then. it turns out that it was Shelly, the little girl i nannied on the Uber Mormon California Road Trip.

Mr. Plant, her stepdad, was a real creepy ultra religious type dude. He was the one in church who - when he'd get up in church to speak - everyone would roll their eyes and stop listening. He liked to point out how much doctrine he knew, and show how much holier he
thought he was. He believed he would be the next Mormon Bishop - once the current Bishop was released, because he thought he was the best for the job. The most knowledgeable and the most pious. I guess he didn't add humble into that mix. instead, my dad became the next bishop.

Here's a few examples of his craziness - he was engaged to Shelly's mom for seven years.... (kinda like how in the bible Jacob worked for seven years before he was tricked into marrying Leah...and then another seven before he could marry Rachel?? hmmm). He prophesied that when he was married to Francesca they would be 'blessed with four young boys'. He told me he saw it in a vision. When he and Francesca did get pregnant, they had a girl. sucker.

When we went to California, every problem we had was solved through prayer.
Oh no, we're lost in the middle of Wyoming? Let's NOT ask for directions, instead let's pray and God will find us a way out.

At the time of my California trip, i was having a lot of trouble at home with my exboyfriend, Dickface. Every time i talked about the problems i was having, Mr. Plant would spout off some scripture or quote by some person i didn't know or care about and then tell me he would 'give me a blessing'. (a blessing by the laying on of hands invokes the power of the Holy Spirit) and he would gather Francesca and Shelly around me to bare witness to the event. it was embarrassing, uncomfortable, and unnecessary. i soon learned to just keep my mouth shut.

after the trip to California i wanted nothing more to do with him, church.... and also because of him, Francesca and Shelly. When i moved away to Cowtown, i was glad to never have to deal with them ever again.

then a few days ago - out of the Facebook blue, i get this friend request. Now, from what i remember of Shelly, she was hard core Mormon - but i didn't recognize her because she was going by a different last name, not Plant. i decided, after some thinking, to add her to my list - but to send her a message being very blunt and open that i didn't go to church anymore because i didn't believe in it, in church, in religion in general, that i drank like a fish and swore like a Sailor. I told her that i saw Mr. Plant on the street and i wanted to run him over with my car.

Then she messaged me back - and i was at a loss. She said that shortly after that trip to California her and her families lives turned into hell. Mr. Plant began molesting her at 14 and beating Francesca - an continued to do so until Francesca took the kids and left him 2 years ago. After they left, Shelly told her mom what had happened to her, and now Mr. Plant is being charged.

i felt sick.

all those years. it's not like i didn't think it was possible. but it didn't do anything, i didn't say anthing, i didn't do a thing. Years after, when talking about Mr. Plant and how truly fucked i thought/knew that he was... i would casually say things like: "Y'know, he's so borderline fundamentalist and fucked - i wouldn't be surprised if he tried to make Shelly one of his wives." unfortunately, i wasn't too far from the truth.

I didn't know what to say to Shelly. i mulled it over for a few days. and then i wrote her back. She seems so different, all our messages show her to be such a different person from the 10 year old girl i went to Cali with... and even more grown up and beautiful than the shy, quiet 18 year old girl i would see at church at christmas....

She told me she's had enough with church. After living something that traumatic that is infused with doctrine and scripture, i can see why she's turned away.

i've chatted with her a few times on MSN. she wants me to call her sometime, but truthfully, i don't think i'm ready or willing to be roped into the drama, it's more than i am willing to try handle right now. I hope that doesn't make me a bad person. it makes feel guilty when i think about it, i know that all those years in church she looked up to me.

So for now, we chat online once in a while, and send each other facebook messages.