A Tale of Potter Preportions.

When B-rad and i were dating, he always knew i was a big reader. But, not having lived together, he didn't know what that meant, exactly.

I moved to Cowtown back in June, 2003. The fifth installment of the Harry Potter Franchise was released in July, 2003. My mother, living in ToonTown, sent me the book for my birthday and when i got it in my happy little hands, i began to read in earnest. Never before had B-rad seen me completely engulfed by a book.

We were living in an upstairs suite of a house with my brother at the time, so there weren't a lot of places to read peacefully. So i did what i've always done growing up in a house with 3 brothers, i retreated to my room, now B-rad's and my room, and read like a maniac. He couldn't understand it. He couldn't understand why i had burrowed myself in and only emerged to grab a bite and go to the bathroom. Finally, after a good solid 10-12 hours of reading i was done. when B-rad came to bed that night we was upset. He thought i was mad at him (i wasn't) and he couldn't figure out why. I explained to him that it wasn't my fault, it was the book. i just couldn't put it down.

i remembered something my mother had said about when she and my dad first got married. She couldn't believe how much he would read, he would always have a book on hand - in bed, watching tv, on the toilet, in the bath... she said in the first year they would fight all the time because my dad would read so much. Growing up, we saw Dad with his nose constantly in a book and by his example 3 out of 4 of us became avid readers...but i was the real honest to goodness bookworm in my family. Mom - well, she wasn't interested in reading like he was and felt that he was ignoring her or wasn't interested in her.

B-rad was not a reader of books. The only place he ever read was on the shitter (which we have now dubbed in our new house The Library) and he couldn't fathom someone spending more than 5-10 minutes tops reading anything. I tried to convince him to read Harry Potter, but he wasn't interested. So, i told him i understood that he was feeling ignored and unimportant, and that i would try not to delve into the land of fiction like my dad did...but in return he'd have to excuse me if it was Harry Potter.

In 2004 we went to see third movie, and that's when B-rad decided to give the books a try. "i'm not starting at the beginning, though, i'll just start at Book 4" that was fine by me. So, B-rad joined the world of evergrowing HPFans. Before i knew it, i was finding him reading outside the bathroom. i did give him a tiny bit of a hard time saying i couldn't understand why he'd want to read for more that 5-10 minutes, but i only gave him a tiny taste - not wanting him to be discouraged. Soon after he finished the fourth book, he asked to read the 5th and i gladly handed it over to him.

The fifth book, in my opinion (and B-rad's) is the best of all seven.

But i digress.

So B-rad was captivated by litte Master Potter and his Wizarding world. He took to the 5th book with even more enthusiasm than the fourth and he found himself reading it for hours at a time.

When the 6th book came out i read it like mad and then handed it off to my eagerly awaiting husband. and when he was done we both spent the next couple of years speculating what the outcome of the series might be. We both had various thoughts and theories about what would happen in the last pages. We were excited, like the rest of the millions of people in the world. We couldn't wait.

Now. here's what i inteded to write about in the first place:

The Seventh Book was release one minute after midnight and i was there standing in line - ready for my copy. I am not ashamed to say that i may have butted in line to get my copy. As i have always maintained: "I am not above pushing away a small child, if it comes to it, to get my copy!" luckily, the good people at McNally Robinson had a huge supply of books and ample supply of staff to pass them out to the awaiting throng of Pot(ter)heads.


i tried to read it that night, but i was so exhausted i read the first 3 pages and fell asleep. The next morning we were off to the lake! I told B-rad that if we went to the lake i wouldn't bring the book with me...but as we were leaving he said: "you can bring your book, it was wrong of me to say you couldn't. You can spend your time on the beach any way you want." WHOOPEE.

So i read the book on the way to the lake...but once we were there we were too busy to read anymore...so i read on the way home. In the first stages of the book, it's okay to put it down.
Sunday night i read more and was halfway through the book. B-rad was on the computer most of the time and he didn't even notice. Monday was spent reading, and around supper time i was about 2cm (that's a little less than an inch for my American Friends) thickness from the end and B-rad comes home from work. I say hello. He sits down and he tells me about his day. I tell him that i'm going to go upstairs and finish the book while he's in the shower and he says: "oh, i thought maybe you might want to make me supper while i'm in the shower?" uhm, what? grrrr....okay....fine.

So i ask him what he wants and he says he doesn't care, anything i want to make will be fine. Now, i don't like to cook on a good day, and i hate cooking when i'm not hungry cuz i could care less about eating. Harry's adventures, sitting in my lap, are calling me back and this whole conversation with my husband is making me rather annoyed. So i put my nose back in the book and say: "Well, when you decide what you want, let me know." which, i thought, was a pretty clear message.

He comes back in the room and says: "i don't know, what do we have?"
"I don't know, probably nothing."
i can hear him in the kitchen, opening the fridge.... muttering possibilities to himself, so with a big sigh, i put the book down and walk in the kitchen. The only way i'm going to get any reading done is if he gets his ass in the shower. I walk up to the pantry and grab 2 packages of instant noodles and say: "Go shower."

He does.

as the noodles are cooking, i'm reading the book.

things are getting intense in the wizarding world. Somehow i manage not to burn supper, When he's showered and dressed he comes down singing, oblivious to the peril of my beloved characters. he has no idea how annoying he is. The phone rings, i ignore it and he answers. He chats with his cousin while i make myself a little plate and leave the rest of the food on the stove for B-rad. i decide to sit at the table instead of in the Rumpus room in front of the TV where we usually eat so i can read, he gets off the phone, dishes himself a plate and sits next to me at the table. Grrrrr..... i lift the book to my face and i'm almost whisked away to the very exciting ending of the book and i hear: "oh, don't you want to have a nice supper with me and visit?"

what. the. fuck.

Every other goddamned day of the year he's perfectly fine eating in front of the TV - which is why i chose the table in the first place - and NOW he decides he wants to be Ozzie and Fucking Harriet?? He was just as excited about the seventh book as i was... and now he wants to sit...and visit? It's Harry Potter for Chrissakes.


"fine." i say through gritted teeth. i put the book down and he says;

"You can read if you want to."

"no. no. that's fine."


we eat in almost complete silence.


Finally i say to him:
"y'know what this is like? it's like watching the final Matrix movie, and right at the very end when all the shit's going down, i say to you - can you pause it? i thought you might like to just sit and talk for awhile. Now, i'm going upstairs and i'm not coming down again until this book is done. Don't come up there to talk to me, cuz i'll ignore you. Okay?"


Upstairs, in my bedroom sanctuary that has served me since i was six, i finish Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. i walk down the stairs and hand him the book and say: "It's all yours now."


Oh, he'll get his....when he's about 4 chapters from the end.... i'm going to ask him to sit and visit with me. Let's see how HE likes it... mwahh ha ha ha haaaaaa