Laura vs. Mom

[laura's cell phone rings at work]
"hello?"
"Hi Laura, it's mom"
"hi."
"Do you know where...... that Teefen...groond...RosenART Mennonite church is in that town?"
"..........what?"
"that Teefen...groond...RosenART Mennonite church...in...."
"...Warman?"
"no"
"...Osler?"
"No...what's that town called, the one with that school in it?"
"What school"
"That school. y'know, the college?"
"uhm, Rosthern?"
"Rosthern? No. that school, that one? oh shoot, where is it? what's that town before Rosthern?"
"Hague?"
"No"
"Where are you?"
"uhm, past Osler. I think, i'm on the highway."
"Ok mom? what are you talking about?"
"well, i'm trying to find this church, and i think it's in that town."
"Which school?"
"it's a Christian school, i know it's out here."
"VCA?"
"Maybe"
"VCA - Valley Christian Academy?"
"YES! Where is that?"
"That's in Osler, mom."
"Osler, where's Osler?"
"MOM! Osler is where my Wedding Reception was!?! Where B-rad used to live"
"What? no, not VCA....shoot....what's the name of that town, my brain has turned completely to mush. You're friend went there."
"RJC?"
"YES! Where is that!?!"
"RJC, Mom, Rosthern Junior College is in Rosthern."
"Yeah! Rosthern! Where is that, is it before Hague?"
"What are you doing?"
"i'm going to a funeral, and it's at the...Teefen...groond...RosenART Mennonite church"
"Does it say where in Rosthern it is?"
"no, it doesn't say Rosthern."
"what do the instructions say?"
"They say Take the highway north and turn left at HGW 312, drive 12 miles and turn left. Those aren't very good instructions at all!"
"Okay, mom, where's the last town you passed?"
"Uhm, i don't remember."
BIG SIGH. [mom continues to babble about something or other]
"okay,...Mom? MOM! MOOOM! STOP TALKING! STOP! STOP TALKING AND LISTEN, MOM! Mom?"
"Okay, i'm listening"
"Okay, mom, i'm going to look up this church on Google and find out where it is, okay?"
"What? I can barely hear you!"
"you can barely hear me because...you called me at work and i don't want to shout!!"
"okay, yes, look it up, that's a great idea"
..."Now, how do i spell this Church's name?"
"okay, it's P-I-E..."
"P??"
"No! T as in THOMAS... I...E as in Edward...S...E...
"S?"
"No, F as in Fred.... E...N as in Nancy....G as in, uhm, Garry....R...U..N..D....R...O..S as in SAM...E...N as in Nancy.....O...R..T....Mennonite Church."
"okay, i'm looking it up....it's in Laird."
"Where?"
"Laird?"
"what?"
"Laird! LAIRD!!!"
"Y'know, i can't believe how bad the reception is on the cell phone, and i'm with Sasktel and -"
"MOM! STOP TALKING! IT'S IN LAIRD! LAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRD!!!"
"Laird?"
"YES! LAIRD!"
..."Where's Laird?"
"Okay, hold on mom, i'm going to look up directions on Google...okay, i'm looking here, and it looks like probably your best bet is turning left on Highway 312, and taking that a few km. Then there'll probably be a sign that says 'Laird' and you can follow that in."
"okay, where's Highway 312?"
"uhm, okay, have you passed Wakaw yet?"
"Wakaw?? No! i'm not near close to Wakaw, it can't be further than Wakaw, can it?"
"MOM!, okay, are you listening?"
"Yes, YES, i'm listening, sorry."
"you are turning into your mother, and you are driving me crazy!!"
"yes, i know, and you have no idea how terrifying that is to me!"
"i have some idea."
"what?"
"Nothing! Mom, nothing... Okay, so as you're coming up to Wakaw, there'll probably be a big sign that says something like: THIS WAY TO WAKAW LAKE! If you see that sign, DON'T go to Wakaw, go the other direction, West. THAT'S highway 312"
"312? Yes! That's what the directions say! they say, turn left on 312 and drive 12 miles and then turn right!"
"....Mom, the instructions say to turn left on 312?!?!"
"Yes."
"then turn LEFT on 312!!"
"okay, but WHERE is 312? What's the road name? what's there?"
"NOTHING, MOM! IT'S A TURN OFF ON THE HIGHWAY! When you see the sign, take it! i don't know what else to tell you, it's not like you have GPS in the car, i can't monitor you the whole way there! - and i don't know if you've ever BEEN ON Google maps before mom, it's not exactly satellite."
"okay, well, i guess that's what i'll do."
"Okay, good luck. if i don't hear from you again, i'll know you're lost in rural Saskatchewan somewhere!"
"Okay! Thank you!!"
"bye."
"bye."
[laura hangs up...her head is spinning...this is the most frustrating conversation she has ever had with her mother and fears for the future]