A Letter to My Brother on this, his Twenty-Fifth birthday

Dear Patrick,

So, it's your birthday. And you've made it to 1/4 Century! Well done, good sir.

I've known you your whole life. I wish i could say that i remember the day you were born. I have, however, seen pictures of you the day you were born. I was only 2, so forgive me if my memory is fuzzy.

In fact, i 'm trying now to recall the very first memory i have of you. I know you were sick a lot when you were a baby. Again, i don't know if that's a bonafide memory, of if it's derived from pictures i've seen that i've tucked away in my brain.

I remember hearing stories of how you stopped breathing, and mom thought you were going to die. I DO remember you were very small. Tiny little fingers and toes.

My very first concrete memory of you was the time i pushed you off the trampoline when you were 3. For many years after that, i carried around this guilt thinking that your 'bad eye' was because of the stitches you got as a result of being pushed off. When you started bleeding i ran and hid in the car. Grandma found me there and she said "I know Laura, we're all worried about Patrick" but in all honesty, i was worried about getting in trouble. When you came home from the hospital you had a blown up Surgical Glove with a face on it. I was jealous that you had a balloon and i didn't. i'm sorry. i was only five! i think i held onto that guilt until i was well into my teens and i was looking at family photos and noticed you had an eye patch, even as a baby.

i told mom i thought your bad eye was my fault.

Looking back, i don't know if it was the guilt i felt that made us so close. Maybe it was that in the beginning, but the truth is - you're fun to be around. How many nights did we stay up giggling and laughing and creating these stories and movies we wanted to make, and books we wanted to write, ....how many times did we get in trouble for sneaking up at midnight to watch The Kids in The Hall caught because we were laughing too hard?

Growing up we continued to be close. We often told people we just met that we were twins. Having you as a friend made living on the farm bareable. Growing up the way we did, i was often amazed when my friends would say they hated their brothers. I don't think i ever hated you, even when you broke my Unicorn Jewellery Box's horn...with my Barbie. You may have played with my Barbies more often than i did.

In high school, we were lucky enough to be in Band together, which was unbelievably fun most days. Somehow we ended up in the same circle of friends and even after you moved away to Vancouver we still stayed in touch, somewhat. You called me when you were in trouble, and we found solutions!

Having you as Brad's Roommate was an excellent move and a terrible move all at once. You two became good friends and bandmates. When i threw myself into the mix, it seemed like the more the merrier!

I always said the only brother i could ever live with now that i'm an adult, was you. We became three peas in a very small pod. For the most part things were swell... we did pretty good. You were a groomsman at my wedding which meant a lot to me. Brad wanted you to stand up for him. That told me that he found you a close enough friend to include you! But, i don't know if i ever told you - if Brad didn't want you, you would've been standing on my side.

Over time, we have had some ups and downs. It seemed there were more downs for a while there.

Luckily you saw it was time to move on and move out before we had the awkward conversation where we ask you to leave.

Before you left, we had the opportunity to really hash it out. For better or for worse we talked it through, and now you know more about me than most people. Probably more than anyone i know, with the exception of Brad.

And now we've moved back home and you've stayed on in Cowtown. I didn't realize that i would miss you as much as i do. or worry about you as much as i do. But you're a big boy. You're really smart and creative, and i want you to be happy in whatever you do. You called me last weekend to let me know you got my birthday card. You sounded happy. That was a relief, because you seemed so UNhappy the last time we talked.

You should know that i love you, my little brother.

Have a great birthday.

Love,

Big Sis.